1
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,515
- [alarm buzzes once]
- [man on radio]<i> Good morning!</i>

2
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,651
<i>Jimmy D here to make your
morning commute more enjoyable.</i>

3
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,320
<i>Well, maybe not for one
unfortunate individual.</i>

4
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,589
<i>I have a special guest in the
studio with me today.</i>

5
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:27,092
<i>Say hello to the lovely Sarah.</i>

6
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,494
<i>- [Sarah] Hi, Jimmy.
- Go ahead, Sarah.</i>

7
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:33,198
<i>[Sarah] Last night,
he forgot our anniversary!</i>

8
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,534
<i>Resulting in me waiting
for hours at some</i>

9
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:39,538
<i>step above Applebee's</i>
<i>but beneath Olive Garden</i>
<i>restaurant.</i>

10
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,374
<i>After he stood me up for the
last time, I went to the bar.</i>

11
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:45,477
<i>There was
this really nice couple.</i>

12
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:47,712
<i>- And we talked,</i>
<i>had some shots.</i>
<i>-</i> Sarah?

13
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:51,183
<i>A lot of shots.
And they listened.</i>

14
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,187
<i>So, I went home with them.</i>

15
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:56,721
<i>[Jimmy] As in "home" home?</i>

16
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:59,357
<i>- [Sarah] Home, home.
- [Jimmy] Damn!</i>

17
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,560
<i>Now that's what you call a
French twist.</i>

18
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,828
Sarah?

19
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,529
<i>[Jimmy]
What's the poor sap's name?</i>

20
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,699
<i>- [Sarah] Justin. Justin Davis.</i>
- What?!

21
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:11,203
<i>[Jimmy]
Guys, don't be a Justin Davis.</i>

22
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,538
<i>Be more mindful</i>
<i>of your commitments!</i>
<i>[chuckles]</i>

23
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,873
<i>Now for one of my favorites.</i>

24
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,542
<i>This one's for you, Justin.</i>

25
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:20,379
[upbeat music plays]

26
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,315
[glass shatters]

27
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,766
[elevator ding]

28
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,413
[office sounds]

29
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,618
- Morning.
- I'm fine.

30
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,653
Thank you for calling
Cal-Telcom.

31
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,296
Hi, Justin.

32
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:56,001
Just for your information,
we got a lot of donuts in the
break room today.

33
00:03:56,036 --> 00:04:00,605
Okay. Um, thanks. I'm not really
in the mood for donuts today.

34
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,676
Really?
Not even a french twist?

35
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,788
[line ringing]

36
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:19,691
<i>[Sarah] Leave a message</i>
<i>and I'll get back to you</i>
<i>as soon as I can.</i>

37
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:23,728
Hi, um, it's me.

38
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:28,066
I'm trying so hard to not be
angry, but I just don't

39
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,636
understand why you would want to
hurt me and humiliate me because

40
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:34,906
I forgot one little thing...
fuck-- No.

41
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,742
[office phone ringing]

42
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:45,617
Thank you for calling
Cal-Telcom. This is Justin.

43
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,719
- How may I--
- [man]
<i>My service is down again.</i>

44
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:51,589
I'm sorry to hear you're having
trouble with your service.

45
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,958
- If I can just--
- [man]<i> This is</i>
<i>the second time this month.</i>

46
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:55,327
I understand, sir.

47
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:56,762
<i>You know what?
I don't think you do.</i>

48
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,731
<i>Otherwise we wouldn't be</i>
<i>talking to each other</i>
<i>right now, would we?</i>

49
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:03,368
Alright, well, I can connect you
to a technical advisor who...

50
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:07,672
Sir, I assure you that all of
our technicians have a high
school diploma or equivalency--

51
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,408
[man]<i> And I'm going to be</i>
<i>charged for this, too, right?</i>
<i>You're gonna charge me?</i>

52
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:11,843
I can work on waving the fee.

53
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,978
<i>Work?! You do not know
the meaning of the word work.</i>

54
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,681
<i>I'm a plumber. I deal with
people's shit all day</i>

55
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:17,715
<i>and now
I'm dealing with yours.</i>

56
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:20,985
<i>This is re-cock-ulous.
I am a paying customer.</i>

57
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,755
Well, you know, if I can just
put you on hold for one moment.

58
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,824
<i>Fix it. Just fix it.</i>
<i>I know you can do it</i>
<i>over the phone.</i>

59
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,726
<i>Just push a little button.
Come on. Do it.</i>

60
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,794
You know what, sir,
you know what?

61
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,730
I'm having, like, the worst
morning right now. Okay?

62
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,498
And, and, honestly,
I agree with you.

63
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,868
I agree the system's flawed, but
right now I'm, I'm, asking you,

64
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,437
I'm begging you to just be nice.
Please?

65
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:40,605
I just need someone
to be nice to me.

66
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,541
It sucks, but you didn't
purchase the insurance policy

67
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:47,145
- and only an idiot would not
insur... buy...
<i>- Idiot...? Are you fuck...</i>

68
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,881
<i>I hope you have health</i>
<i>insurance cause I'm coming down</i>
<i>there to fuck your face.</i>

69
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,951
Alright, thank you for calling
Cal-Telcom and I'll be sure to
say hi to Satan for you.

70
00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:58,122
What's up, Justin?

71
00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,525
Really? You have to eat that
right in front of my face?

72
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,794
- Why do you look so mad?
- You didn't hear what happened?

73
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,463
Don't you listen to
<i>Jimmy D in the Morning?</i>

74
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,832
Jimmy D? He's like
a cheap man's Howard Stern.

75
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,468
Sarah broke up with me
on<i> Jimmy D in the Morning.</i>

76
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:14,873
Oh my goodness.
You guys were so happy.

77
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:15,940
I thought so.

78
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,475
[sighs]

79
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,444
Last night,
there was this woman--

80
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,746
What? You had an affair?
Well, that's not very adult.

81
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,848
No, I did not
have an affair, alright?

82
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,451
A woman customer, her name was
Carol, she was having trouble

83
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,986
with her service
and she owns a small business.

84
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,555
Doesn't everyone now days?
[laughs]

85
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,691
I stayed to help her through
the entire reboot process

86
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,960
and that threw me for a loop
and by the end I was exhausted,

87
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:40,432
so I went straight home
and I... I forgot
our anniversary.

88
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,933
Oh. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

89
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,602
You forgot the anniversary.
No good.

90
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,671
That's exactly
what Jimmy D said.

91
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,908
And then, she tells him
about this whole fuckin
French twist thing

92
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,777
and stupid Earl shows up
and just tries to humiliate me.

93
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,547
- He's... a douche.
- I know.

94
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,615
- I was going to marry her.
- You were?!

95
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,250
Yeah, of course. I...

96
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:02,787
I mean, I was just waiting for
a promotion or at least more
financial security.

97
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,223
But I'd been looking at
engagement rings online.

98
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,892
Oh, I feel bad for you.

99
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,830
Really? You, too!
Honestly, it's not funny.

100
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,866
Justin got dumped on<i> Jimmy D</i>
<i>in the Morning</i> this morning.

101
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,202
- Sammy!
- What?

102
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,837
[mouth full] I-I had no idea.

103
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,539
I just thought that maybe
you wanted a donut?

104
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,876
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.
- It was pretty bad.

105
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,244
You guys were
together a long time, right?

106
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,179
Five years.
That's a long time.

107
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,981
At least you weren't married.

108
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:33,551
- Or kids and...
- Yeah, alimony?

109
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,920
That involves money.

110
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,989
That's why the word is ali-mony.

111
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,226
Cause "mony" I think
is the root word for money.

112
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,729
[phone ringing]

113
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,931
[Southern accent]
Cal-Telcom, this is Peggy Sue.

114
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,801
Alabama. Where are you from?

115
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,270
[gasps]
Coffee kicked in.

116
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,905
I gotta make.

117
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,280
Dammit, that's delicious.

118
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,848
Can you hear me? Hello?

119
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,751
Hey, um, this thing it just
isn't working again.

120
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:09,153
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- It was fine a minute ago.
I don't know what happened.

121
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,589
Yeah, the wireless
tend to be a bit squirrely.

122
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:13,725
I'll figure out
what the problem is.

123
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,694
Okay.
There you go.

124
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,596
The plug was loose.
It should work now.

125
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:20,031
Here you go.
Found that in there, too.

126
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,033
- Oh. Thank you.
- Yeah.

127
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:25,937
- You're a lifesaver.
- Oh. I am not.
[chuckles]

128
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:29,707
- Maybe if I worked at, like,
a suicide hotline and then...
- Yeah.

129
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:33,945
...literally, would be
a lifesaver, if you know,
I was good at my job.

130
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,614
Um, which I think, I hope,
I would...

131
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,816
- He's handsome.
- Yeah? You think?

132
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,184
This was our anniversary.

133
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,921
A special occasion, you know?

134
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,123
Real important.
I'll see you later.

135
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:48,159
Thanks for the... for this.

136
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,601
You're a dummy.

137
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,303
How'd you forget your
anniversary?

138
00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,904
Who forgets their anniversary?

139
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,241
You... you don't deserve Sarah.
You don't.

140
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,375
That's why she did that.

141
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,278
Cause you didn't deserve her
and you treated her bad

142
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,981
and she left you for two peo...
[crying gasps]

143
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,085
You're gonna be alone!

144
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,087
[crying gasps]

145
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,922
You're gonna be alone!

146
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,926
You... to be alone!

147
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,195
You're gonna be alone
your whole life!

148
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:28,066
You dummy!
You dummy.

149
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,501
- [man] My god.
- [sniffles] Sammy.

150
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:33,605
[Sammy] Listen, man, you know,
maybe you should try dating
online?

151
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:34,872
Louis does it.

152
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,774
Louis?
Louis from the mail room Louis?

153
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,810
Hm. He's had
a lot of success with it.

154
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,778
I don't think I'm going to be
dating anytime soon

155
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,213
and definitely not online.

156
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,916
[Sammy] It's not really dating.
It's casual.

157
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:45,984
[fart noise]

158
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,619
Oh, sneak attack.

159
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:54,325
Have a good day. Thank you
for calling Cal-Telcom.

160
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,060
[phone rings]

161
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,762
You should talk to him.

162
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,230
How long have you been
standing there?

163
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:04,135
You know,
you might not realize this,
but Louis is a very wise man.

164
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,002
I'm not going to talk to Louis.

165
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,205
He has so many insightful
things to say.

166
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,273
Don't care.

167
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,308
It will take your mind off of
her for a few minutes.

168
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:12,777
Come on, peach pie.

169
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:18,316
[man] He looks deeply in her
eyes as his hand moves up

170
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:22,687
her silky skirt to her
throbbing pleasure pocket.

171
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,757
She breathes heavily
with anticipation,

172
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:30,395
"Take me now, Javier.
Take me now!"

173
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:35,366
A sensation that moves
into a howl...

174
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:39,137
[sexual grunting]

175
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,141
Whoo... fellas.

176
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,177
Louis, hey.

177
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:49,080
Uh, that was... a thing.

178
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,149
I did not realize you
are a writer.

179
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,385
Not writer.
Romance orator.

180
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,754
I channel pure desire.

181
00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:57,922
Just let it free flow.

182
00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,992
It's really impressive.
You know, Louis gave me a CD.

183
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,360
I fall asleep to it every night.

184
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,263
Crazy wet dreams.
I wake up crusty.

185
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,432
Yeah,
it's quite effective.

186
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,367
Here you go.
First one's free.

187
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,070
Oh, thanks.
Can't wait to check it out.

188
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,772
Where are my manners?

189
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:16,374
Can I get you two something?

190
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,143
Cappuccino perhaps?

191
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,211
Yes. Yes.

192
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,213
A cappuccino would be nice.

193
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,848
- [classical music plays]
- Mmmm.

194
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:28,119
Our friend Justin has hit a bit
of a rough patch.

195
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:31,322
His long time girlfriend...
[laughs]

196
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:35,059
I'm sorry, his long time
girlfriend broke up with...

197
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:40,131
[laughs] ...broke up with him
this morning, this morning,

198
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,435
over the rad...
[laughs]

199
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,771
Over the radio.
I'm so sorry.

200
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:47,872
Over the radio.

201
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:50,374
God, don't even,
I'm just, I'm terrible.

202
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:53,211
- Justin, you care to comment?
- Not really.

203
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,079
Please.
You're safe here.

204
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:56,280
Fine.

205
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:59,317
Uh, I got caught up at work,
I forgot my anniversary dinner,

206
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,920
and my girlfriend cheated on me
two times at once.

207
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,423
And now you wanna get
back at her?

208
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,290
What? No.

209
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,427
But you wanna have
a threesome with her?

210
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,062
[Justin] No.

211
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,364
I'm sorry.
What are we doing here?

212
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,565
I don't want to be here.

213
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,168
- I... Sammy--
- I was telling Justin
about internet dating.

214
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:20,505
- Ahh...
- Guys, I was dumped
less than eight hours ago.

215
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,774
The last thing
on my mind right now is dating.

216
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:26,177
Not dating.
Experiencing.

217
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,813
Okay.
Well, that sounds worse.

218
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:30,782
- So...
- He's not ready.

219
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:31,583
He is.

220
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,117
No, I think
for once Louis is right.

221
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,852
- I am not ready.
- You know what?

222
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,055
Maybe you should try
a phone sex hotline?

223
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,057
- Oh, of course.
- No! Not of course.

224
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,526
I'm not going to do
a phone sex hotline!

225
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,195
You need to flush that bitch
out of your system.

226
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,863
Flush her out!

227
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,198
The only way
to do that is to hookup.

228
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,133
I'm not a hook-up guy.
I'm not.

229
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:51,169
I-I'm a relationship guy.

230
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:56,307
Justin, in your adult life,
have you ever not been
in a relationship?

231
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,311
No.

232
00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:02,547
So how do you know
that you're not a hook-up guy?

233
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,882
Thank you.
You see he's wise.

234
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:09,487
Online dating is...
it's gonna open your mind

235
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:13,357
to possibilities
you could never imagine.

236
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:16,361
It's an ice cream shop.

237
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,229
I'm sorry?

238
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:22,300
The entire dating community
at your fingertips.

239
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,336
I was telling Justin about
Casual Encounters.

240
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:28,406
My preferred site as well.
You know what, Justin,
I'm going to set you up.

241
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:32,276
Well, I like that it's casual,
but I...

242
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,278
Look I appreciate
what you're doing.

243
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,214
I just don't think now
is the right time.

244
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:39,517
The sooner you start,
the sooner you grow.

245
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:45,122
So this threesome?
Was it two cocks?

246
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:47,191
I'm not sure.

247
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,459
[knock on door]

248
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,298
Hi!

249
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:02,139
I'm sorry. I didn't want this
to start like that.

250
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,442
I said I should come get my
stuff when you weren't here.

251
00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:08,312
Yeah, well, I was just worried
that you were going to

252
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,414
sleep with my couch
and TV at the same time,

253
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:11,482
so I couldn't risk it.

254
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,583
That doesn't make sense.

255
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:15,586
None of this makes sense, Sarah!
How could you do this?

256
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:19,223
You cheat on me? And you ruin
my favorite radio program
because I forget a dinner?

257
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:23,127
It wasn't a dinner, Justin!
It was our anniversary.

258
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,528
And a lot of others, too.

259
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:27,231
My birthday.
My grandmother's funeral.

260
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,133
The Clean the Bay Charity Walk?

261
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:31,269
- That one I forgot on purpose.
- Don't be petty.

262
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,337
I'm not.
It was early as shit.

263
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,406
So, what? You're gonna
throw away everything we had?

264
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,908
We've been stuck.

265
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:40,111
I can't remember
the last time I felt excited.

266
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,345
Can you?

267
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,582
It'll be good.
For the both of us.

268
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:46,417
We can finally be happy.

269
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:49,587
I didn't want to be happy.
I wanted to be with you!

270
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,956
Think about that.

271
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,393
- Goodbye, Justin.
- Yeah.

272
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,441
[woman on phone]
<i>Hello, Justin.</i>

273
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:13,444
- Hi.
<i>- Hm. I like that name. Justin.</i>

274
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,380
Oh, thank you.
Uh, what's your name?

275
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,716
<i>Barbie. Like the doll,
but bigger boobs.</i>

276
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,151
Oh.
[chuckles]

277
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,219
<i>You know what I heard?</i>

278
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,721
<i>- Justin's have thick cocks--</i>
- [phone buzzes]

279
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,256
No, not...

280
00:15:30,162 --> 00:15:32,663
I had a girlfriend, Barbie,

281
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:36,067
- until recently and--
<i>- Did you screw her best friend?</i>

282
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,536
No. I can be kinda forgetful.

283
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:42,306
And and I forgot
one too many things.

284
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:46,744
Now I am just feeling kinda
lonely, and, uh, worthless

285
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:52,249
and stressed, you know,
I have a gross eczema rash
on my hand

286
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,385
and I've just never
had anything like it.

287
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:57,655
It just broke out and I'm a
little worried that if I go see
a doctor,

288
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:03,060
it's going to cost a lot,
because the medical coverage
at my work, Barbie, is terrible.

289
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,396
It's awful.
It's an 80/20 copay.

290
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,466
That means I have to pay
80 and they pay 20 percent
and they--

291
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,502
<i>Bet you got a big old
donkey dick, don't you, Justin?</i>

292
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:14,472
Geez, Barbie.

293
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,440
Barbie,
have you ever been dumped?

294
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,343
<i>I've been dumped on,
fecally speaking.</i>

295
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:21,645
[groans] Yeah, that doesn't
really do it for me.

296
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,448
<i>Well, tell me what does do
it for you, donkey dick?</i>

297
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,051
Um, a girl who
won't cheat on you?

298
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:32,056
A girl who won't have a
ménage-a-trios or anything
French for that matter.

299
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:33,557
I mean, I can't believe that she
would do that.

300
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:35,493
<i>It's just makes me sad.</i>

301
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:40,698
<i>A well-endowed horse dick guy
like you, you deserve better.</i>

302
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,034
That's very nice of you, Barbie.

303
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:46,437
You're very good at your job,
but I'm, I'm not a horse dick.

304
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:51,542
I am a very average sized
ani... I'm goat dick at best.

305
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,812
<i>Well, then maybe subconsciously
you knew she wasn't the one,</i>

306
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,482
<i>so that's why
you would forget things.</i>

307
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,518
Huh.

308
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,489
Yeah, ah, wow.

309
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:07,258
[phones ringing]

310
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,727
[mouse clicks]

311
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,071
[woman]
Ooo. Narcissist much?

312
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:21,405
Oh, I guess.

313
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,408
That's... it's not...
No, no, no, not at all,

314
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,410
I... that's for, um, I'm
doing it cause of a...

315
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,447
- It's a stupid thing.
- If you want, like,

316
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,515
an actual photo
where you don't have to actually

317
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,185
crop out your ex,
I moonlight as a photographer.

318
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,586
- Really?
- Yeah.

319
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,422
I prefer dance photography,
but I could photograph you.

320
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:41,425
Oh that's, that's...
I would not ask you
to waste your talents on me.

321
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,560
No, it wouldn't be wasting.

322
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,595
I mean, you could,
like, bust a move.

323
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,530
I'm not, ah,
what you would call a mover.

324
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,566
I could do normal
portraits as well.

325
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,568
That's very nice.
I will let you know.

326
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,470
- Thank you. If it... Yeah.
- Alright.

327
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,539
Okay. Bye.

328
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,375
Where were you last night?

329
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,743
- Nowhere.
- I tried calling you.

330
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:00,844
- Really?
- Really?

331
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:04,715
I was talking to Julio
from maintenance the other day,

332
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,418
and as I am talking to him,
I'm thinking to myself:

333
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:10,855
"Boy, I could really use
a burrito right now."

334
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,656
You think that's racist?

335
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:13,691
Yes.

336
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,227
Well, I guess
I'm a hungry racist.

337
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,497
You know, I am going to ask Earl
if we can throw an office party

338
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,565
for, you know, rally the troops.

339
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,536
I'm all for it. I just don't
know how much of
a party guy Earl is?

340
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,304
I saw your profile picture.

341
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:29,573
- Already?
- And it wasn't very impressive.

342
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,542
Well, now, I wish Louis
had not sent that to you.

343
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,144
- Look at this.
- No, I've seen the picture.

344
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:34,478
You know what that's called?
That's called monkey mouth.

345
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:35,646
It's my mouth.

346
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:36,981
If I'm a chick
and I'm looking at this,

347
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:40,518
I'm thinking,
"That guy definitely has
a severe case of halitosis."

348
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,186
Well, when you zoom in
like that...

349
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:43,420
- That's not my Justin.
- It's temporary, alright?

350
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,623
- We'll use it for right now.
- That's not my baby Justin.

351
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,825
Yes, okay,
we'll use it just temporarily

352
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:52,630
and if it gets a bad reaction,
um, actually Laura offered
to take my picture.

353
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,631
- Did she?
- Yeah.

354
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,399
- She's nice, huh?
- Uh, yes.

355
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:56,734
You know she can clean herself
like a cat?

356
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,636
I'm sor... I beg your pardon?

357
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,604
One day I walk in,
early morning,

358
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:03,607
and I seen her licking
her own collarbone.
Like a cat.

359
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:04,942
No, I don't think
that's a real thing.

360
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,744
You know, and I've tried.
It's impossible.

361
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:09,514
- I'm gonna go get a soda.
- You have to be superhuman.

362
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:11,482
Did you know that you're

363
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:12,950
more likely to die in a
vending machine accident

364
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,785
than be attacked by a shark?

365
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,386
- Is that true?
- Mm-hm.

366
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:20,457
Yup, like two to three people
every year die in a vending
machine accident,

367
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,627
it's like
one in 112,000,000, right?

368
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:29,567
Whereas, like,
I think one in 251,800,000

369
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,636
die in shark attack every year,
so that means that you're more
than twice as likely

370
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:36,373
to actually die from a
vending machine accident
than to be eaten by a shark.

371
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,943
Which is really funny, because
people are terrified of sharks

372
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:42,713
and have really no reasonable
fear of vending machines
whatsoever.

373
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,281
- That's a good point.
- Yeah.

374
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,215
That's a really good point.

375
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:46,717
I mean that's probably
how they kill you.

376
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,453
They... they lull you into
a false sense of security

377
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:50,988
and that's when
they just pounce.

378
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,656
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

379
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,692
- Tricky devils.
- Wow.

380
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,204
This was a mistake.

381
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:09,707
Hm.

382
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,209
Oh, boy.

383
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,911
No. No. No. No!

384
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,747
Did I not put
specifications in here?

385
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:19,683
Cat lady. Cat lady. Cat lady.

386
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,285
Puppy.

387
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,554
[music plays]

388
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:48,812
- Justin!
- Oh, God.

389
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:51,315
Come here, loverboy.

390
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,317
Hey, Louis.
How's it going, man?

391
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,853
I am so glad to see you.

392
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:57,354
Good to see you, Louis.

393
00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:58,422
[giggles]

394
00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:00,958
Justin, meet Pamela,
my lady friend for the evening.

395
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,962
- She is the best.
- [laughter]

396
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,397
What are you drinking?

397
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,898
Oh, no. No.
I got it.

398
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,333
Please. I insist.

399
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:12,336
Vodka and, ah, vodka.

400
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:16,640
Sir, a shot of your finest vodka
for my friend, please.

401
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:17,775
Kalashnikov is fine.

402
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,777
Isn't that
a type of machine gun?

403
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:20,978
[laughing]

404
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:24,648
Yeah, it is.
It's also a cheap vodka.

405
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:27,318
Oh, here we are.

406
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:29,820
To the unbridled dance.

407
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:33,390
May it always
be forever rhythmic.

408
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,993
In the eyes.
Or seven years bad sex.

409
00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:46,437
So all you have to do
is be yourself,

410
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:50,374
just a confident, secure,
sexual version of yourself.

411
00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:53,044
Oh, is that all? [chuckles]
Piece of cake!

412
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:55,646
Nice to meet you, Pamela.

413
00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:56,814
See you later.

414
00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,750
Hi. Are you Heidi?

415
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:03,521
- No, I'm not Heidi.
- Sorry to bother you.

416
00:22:16,935 --> 00:22:18,536
Hi!

417
00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,838
- Hi?
- I'm Heidi.

418
00:22:20,873 --> 00:22:21,939
You're what?

419
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:24,408
You're waiting to meet a
woman named Heidi, aren't you?

420
00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:26,110
You're Justin?

421
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:28,078
Um, I, ah...

422
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:30,647
These are from the gentleman
from the bar.

423
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,783
[Heidi]
Thank the gentleman at he bar.

424
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:35,552
Vodka is my drink of choice.
Cheers!

425
00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:38,822
No, ah, I'm... I'm sorry,
I think there's a mix-up.

426
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:43,093
I'm waiting for a Heidi,
but this is the Heidi
I am waiting for.

427
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:47,898
You've been talking to me
online, but that picture
is of my little sister.

428
00:22:47,933 --> 00:22:50,501
I just don't know why
you used her picture--

429
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:52,469
You were so nice online,
and for one night,

430
00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:54,772
I just wanted to see what
it was like to walk in her shoes

431
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:58,742
and have dinner with
a handsome guy like yourself.

432
00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,778
Handsome is a strong word.

433
00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:03,447
Your profile picture
does not do you justice.

434
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:07,918
Now that I am seeing you
in person... meow.

435
00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,587
Okay. Can I ask
you something? Personal?

436
00:23:10,622 --> 00:23:11,521
You can ask me anything.

437
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:15,058
Um, what, um,
what happened to your arm?

438
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:18,896
Oh, uh, it was a vending
machine accident.

439
00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:20,030
Sure, sure. That's fine.

440
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:22,866
You know what, actually
I think this was a mistake.

441
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:26,069
Um, the trust
has kind of been broken.

442
00:23:26,104 --> 00:23:27,838
[sigh] It's just it's
really hard.

443
00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:30,774
I'm sorry that I lied to you,
but I get a lot of nub seekers.

444
00:23:30,809 --> 00:23:31,875
Nub seekers?

445
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:34,778
Acrotomophiliacs, like people
obsessed with amputees.

446
00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:37,448
It's like a weird fetish.

447
00:23:37,483 --> 00:23:38,783
Here you go.

448
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:40,985
Thank you.

449
00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:47,958
The last time that I went out
to a restaurant like this,

450
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:52,797
my boyfriend broke up with me
and I thought that
he was going to propose.

451
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:55,899
- [Heidi crying]
- Oh...

452
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:57,501
[crying gasp]

453
00:23:57,536 --> 00:24:00,237
Alright... There, there, there.
There, there.

454
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,907
Actually, Heidi, you know what,
I kind of understand what you're
going through.

455
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:07,911
I myself am experiencing
something similar right now.

456
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:09,914
- You are?
- Do you want to know?

457
00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:18,188
Um, a couple of mornings ago,
I woke up to my girlfriend

458
00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:22,159
on national radio saying
she was going to dump me

459
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:24,928
and that she had a threeway
with complete strangers.

460
00:24:24,963 --> 00:24:25,963
So...

461
00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:27,164
Oh, my God.

462
00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:28,031
Mm-hm.

463
00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:31,735
You're the Justin
from the Jimmy D show?

464
00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:32,869
Oh you heard it?!

465
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:36,773
Heartless... to have a threeway
with a couple strangers

466
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,709
and then brag about it
on national radio?

467
00:24:38,744 --> 00:24:40,177
- Right?
- She used your last name.

468
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:41,745
That's a security issue!

469
00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:45,148
- Any woman would be
lucky to have you.
- Nah...

470
00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:47,584
I know you don't care
what I think

471
00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:50,153
cause I just lied to you
and I fuckin suck for that,

472
00:24:50,188 --> 00:24:52,589
but if I was
good enough for you...

473
00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:53,857
You're not... you are good.

474
00:24:53,892 --> 00:24:56,527
I don't deserve to be happy

475
00:24:56,562 --> 00:24:58,529
and I shouldn't
have wasted your time.

476
00:24:58,564 --> 00:25:01,131
- And I'm really sorry.
- No... Heidi...

477
00:25:02,034 --> 00:25:03,601
Heidi, listen to me.

478
00:25:04,236 --> 00:25:06,737
You do deserve to be happy.

479
00:25:08,807 --> 00:25:10,174
[moaning]

480
00:25:11,910 --> 00:25:13,877
Sorry. Not quite.

481
00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:15,478
- Yeah...
- Still not it.

482
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:18,715
- Feels like you're trying to
put wet Play-Doh inside of me.
- Just give me a sec.

483
00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,751
- This is--
- I know, that's my fault.

484
00:25:20,786 --> 00:25:24,054
- Does this help?
- No, that really
doesn't do anything.

485
00:25:24,089 --> 00:25:26,623
Um, you know what?

486
00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:28,158
Maybe we shouldn't do this,
right?

487
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:32,963
I mean, I've had a nice night,
but I think we're doing it
for the wrong reasons.

488
00:25:32,998 --> 00:25:34,631
We're both pretty vulnerable.

489
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:36,934
We both just got out of long
relationships.

490
00:25:37,736 --> 00:25:39,636
I hear what you're saying.

491
00:25:39,671 --> 00:25:41,138
And...

492
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:42,873
[groaning]

493
00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:44,575
[speaks indistinct]

494
00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:46,209
- Oh, my God.
- Does this make you
feel comfortable?

495
00:25:46,244 --> 00:25:47,911
- You comfortable now?
- Oh, yeah.

496
00:25:47,946 --> 00:25:49,780
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.

497
00:25:49,815 --> 00:25:50,981
- Meow!
- Oh, my God!

498
00:25:51,016 --> 00:25:52,716
- Like you mean it!
- Oh, wait!

499
00:25:52,751 --> 00:25:53,884
Oh you want me to meow?
Actual meow?

500
00:25:53,919 --> 00:25:55,619
Meow! Meow!

501
00:25:55,654 --> 00:25:56,820
Oh, my God.

502
00:25:56,855 --> 00:25:58,055
[moaning]

503
00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,057
Meow!

504
00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:03,994
[screaming]

505
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,633
[computer clicking]

506
00:26:23,015 --> 00:26:24,315
- Hey.
- Hey.

507
00:26:24,350 --> 00:26:28,085
Um, so Sammy and I are
going to go to the bar
and grab some drinks,

508
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,820
if you would like to join us.

509
00:26:29,855 --> 00:26:31,722
Yeah, uh, I am tempted. Yeah.

510
00:26:31,757 --> 00:26:33,690
So yeah.
Maybe we'll see you there.

511
00:26:33,725 --> 00:26:34,959
- Yeah.
- Okay.

512
00:26:39,064 --> 00:26:40,965
[rock music plays]

513
00:26:55,947 --> 00:26:58,215
Louis, ah,
told me about your hot date.

514
00:26:58,250 --> 00:27:02,719
I didn't realize
you were into the fats.

515
00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:04,354
Alright, she was a woman.
That--

516
00:27:04,389 --> 00:27:07,157
And fat women are, like,
they really, they really
go for it, like--

517
00:27:07,192 --> 00:27:08,091
Just a person.

518
00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,826
They use their heart
when they're having sex.

519
00:27:09,861 --> 00:27:10,994
I don't know.
I don't generalize.

520
00:27:11,029 --> 00:27:12,162
You took her to pound town?

521
00:27:12,197 --> 00:27:14,031
Pound town?
That's not a real place.

522
00:27:14,066 --> 00:27:15,399
- How did it feel?
- How did what feel?

523
00:27:15,434 --> 00:27:17,801
- Did it feel fat?
- Did it feel fat?

524
00:27:17,836 --> 00:27:19,336
That's terrible. I'm not
going to acknowledge that.

525
00:27:19,371 --> 00:27:20,871
Was it good?

526
00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:23,106
You know what? It was.

527
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:24,340
It was, it was really nice.

528
00:27:24,376 --> 00:27:28,345
I, you know, it was different,
but it was, it was, pretty good.

529
00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:30,080
Did you wear a condom?

530
00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:32,149
How is that any of your
business?

531
00:27:32,184 --> 00:27:33,117
It's a small town, brother.

532
00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:34,951
You don't want
what I'm putting out there,

533
00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:37,087
and I don't want
you're putting out there.

534
00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:38,121
Not that small a town.

535
00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:40,057
So you don't need
to worry about it,

536
00:27:40,092 --> 00:27:42,225
but yes of course,
I wore a condom.

537
00:27:42,260 --> 00:27:44,127
I wear three.

538
00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:47,898
It desensitizes me so that
I don't ejaculate prematurely.

539
00:27:47,933 --> 00:27:49,399
You know
that's actually dangerous.

540
00:27:49,435 --> 00:27:52,035
They say the more condoms
you wear the higher risk
there is of them breaking.

541
00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:55,205
- Old wives tale.
- No, that's just a fact.

542
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,039
- That's a fact.
- Laura...

543
00:27:56,074 --> 00:27:57,307
- No don't, don't ask her--
- Yes?

544
00:27:57,342 --> 00:27:58,675
- Come here.
- What?

545
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:04,414
Is it true that if you
use multiple condoms,
say three condoms,

546
00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:08,118
it increases the friction
which in turn increases
the risk of breakage?

547
00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:10,053
Condoms...

548
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:12,189
- Who needs them?
- [chuckles] Listen to this one!

549
00:28:12,224 --> 00:28:15,892
I get enough rubber up my vagina
with my yearly visit
with Dr. Karen, so...

550
00:28:15,927 --> 00:28:16,927
Excuse me.

551
00:28:16,962 --> 00:28:17,928
[laughing]

552
00:28:17,963 --> 00:28:18,929
Whoa!

553
00:28:18,964 --> 00:28:20,097
Justin, you look really
uncomfortable right now.

554
00:28:20,132 --> 00:28:22,966
- I am! Yeah.
- Hey!

555
00:28:23,001 --> 00:28:24,501
Don Julio!

556
00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:27,304
You know what? I've had my limit
of two drinks, so I'm good.

557
00:28:27,339 --> 00:28:29,406
- Uno mas!
- Everybody's doing it.

558
00:28:29,441 --> 00:28:32,242
- Everybody's doing it, Laura.
- Okay, well, in that case.

559
00:28:32,277 --> 00:28:35,412
Okay, the job is shit,
but the people are not.

560
00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:39,349
Except for Earl,
that motherfucker!

561
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:41,118
To good company!

562
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:46,189
Wooooo!

563
00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:48,358
[chuckles]
I like to scream in public.

564
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,261
Okay. I'm going to go
punch Chantal in the back.

565
00:28:51,296 --> 00:28:54,431
I should get out of here
before I pass out.

566
00:28:54,466 --> 00:28:56,500
Oh, yeah.
How are you gonna get home?

567
00:28:56,535 --> 00:28:58,068
I'm probably
just going to cab it.

568
00:28:58,103 --> 00:28:59,836
Actually, um,
I'd be happy to drive you.

569
00:28:59,871 --> 00:29:03,073
I'm going to take off soon, too,
and I'm good to drive cause

570
00:29:03,108 --> 00:29:06,543
I actually have a very high
alcohol tolerance.

571
00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:10,046
No, I feel like soon enough
I'm going to be
pretty inebriated

572
00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:11,915
and I would prefer you
not see me that way.

573
00:29:11,950 --> 00:29:15,819
No judgment.
I am merely a chauffeur.

574
00:29:15,854 --> 00:29:17,053
Door to door service.

575
00:29:17,089 --> 00:29:19,956
Even if I'm like spewing stuff
left and right and I can't even

576
00:29:19,991 --> 00:29:21,424
form a complete sentence?

577
00:29:21,459 --> 00:29:24,161
Well, see, now I have to take
you, cause that sounds hilarious

578
00:29:24,196 --> 00:29:25,195
and there's no way
I'm missing out on that.

579
00:29:25,231 --> 00:29:27,130
- Okay.
- Do you want me
to take you home?

580
00:29:27,165 --> 00:29:28,165
- Yeah.
- Okay.

581
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,767
Let me get my stuff.

582
00:29:33,305 --> 00:29:35,872
So, how did you get started
at Cal-Telcom?

583
00:29:35,907 --> 00:29:38,041
Um, I--

584
00:29:38,076 --> 00:29:41,144
You know, how about I answer
for you and you answer for me?

585
00:29:41,179 --> 00:29:43,246
- Okay, sure.
- Okay.

586
00:29:43,281 --> 00:29:47,984
Hi, I'm Justin Davis,
and I work at Cal-Telcom.

587
00:29:48,019 --> 00:29:50,487
- I'm an old soothsayer?
- It's weird. It's weird.

588
00:29:50,522 --> 00:29:52,155
I'm so sorry.

589
00:29:52,190 --> 00:29:53,022
No, it's nice to hear
my voice back to me

590
00:29:53,058 --> 00:29:54,090
cause I don't know
what I sound like.

591
00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:56,159
- It's exactly how you sound.
- It is? Perfect.

592
00:29:56,194 --> 00:30:00,063
It was the first job interview
I got out of college, okay.

593
00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:05,235
Student loans rang
and all add up and someone's
gotta pay the bills.

594
00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:06,603
Decent hours, right?

595
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:10,307
Make enough money to take a lady
out on a date every once in a
while,

596
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,175
when I don't forget.

597
00:30:12,210 --> 00:30:14,244
- Oh, come on. Low blow.
- Nice dig.

598
00:30:14,279 --> 00:30:17,581
After a few years
of pay period living,

599
00:30:17,616 --> 00:30:20,016
I figured why did I get
my business degree?

600
00:30:20,051 --> 00:30:23,887
And why am I still paying for
an education that
I'm not even using?

601
00:30:23,922 --> 00:30:26,489
However, there still is
assistant manager!

602
00:30:26,524 --> 00:30:29,593
- What's wrong with management?
- Nothing.

603
00:30:29,628 --> 00:30:31,628
Okay. My turn.

604
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:34,998
I'm Laura Leonard.
I work at Cal-Telcom.

605
00:30:35,033 --> 00:30:39,236
It was just supposed to be
temporary to supplement
photography, my true passion,

606
00:30:39,271 --> 00:30:44,975
but weeks turned into months
and pretty soon the concept of

607
00:30:45,010 --> 00:30:48,879
"Don't quit your day job"
began to mentally fester inside.

608
00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:52,182
Sorry, I cannot be blamed
for expensive film!

609
00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:53,884
Why don't you
just switch to digital?

610
00:30:53,919 --> 00:30:57,487
No, because dance is so much
more beautiful on film.

611
00:30:57,522 --> 00:30:59,389
I get it.
It's nostalgic, too.

612
00:30:59,424 --> 00:31:00,958
Yeah.

613
00:31:01,993 --> 00:31:04,361
I am feeling totally buzzed.

614
00:31:04,396 --> 00:31:06,263
I am the biggest lightweight
on the planet.

615
00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:08,965
Yeah. Well, that's good.
You're a cheap date.

616
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,001
- Do not call me cheap.
- No.

617
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:12,602
Oh, I didn't mean
that you were cheap. I'm sorry.

618
00:31:12,638 --> 00:31:17,040
No, I was saying just cause you
wouldn't have to buy a lot of
beers and save on...

619
00:31:18,343 --> 00:31:20,043
I'm totally messing with you.

620
00:31:20,078 --> 00:31:21,278
Okay. Alright.

621
00:31:21,313 --> 00:31:22,679
- Yes.
- Oh, hang on, hang on.

622
00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,247
Pull over, pull over,
pull over, pull over.

623
00:31:24,282 --> 00:31:26,349
Oh, shit. You're gonna vomit.
Hold on, okay.

624
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:28,985
[music plays on radio]

625
00:31:29,020 --> 00:31:31,054
- You okay?
- Yeah.

626
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:37,093
- Be my model.
- Oh.

627
00:31:37,128 --> 00:31:40,163
- Your... your model?
- Get in there.

628
00:31:40,198 --> 00:31:41,999
Come on. Quit stalling.
Get over there.

629
00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:46,703
[music plays louder]

630
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,939
- Okay. Now dance.
- You want me to dance?

631
00:31:48,974 --> 00:31:50,340
- Yes.
- That's not gonna happen.

632
00:31:50,375 --> 00:31:51,575
Okay.

633
00:31:54,079 --> 00:31:56,446
Don't worry.

634
00:31:56,481 --> 00:31:59,082
Sit back.
I will not judge you.

635
00:31:59,117 --> 00:32:00,517
Now dance.

636
00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:06,589
Okay, now a little less douchey.

637
00:32:06,624 --> 00:32:09,192
- [camera clicks]
- I beg your pardon?
Douchey?

638
00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:11,261
Just dance
like no one's watching.

639
00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:13,697
Like, bust a move. Get down.

640
00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:15,966
Oh, that's so good.

641
00:32:16,534 --> 00:32:19,135
Look at you,
you sexy thing.

642
00:32:19,170 --> 00:32:20,604
Ooh, that's a good one.

643
00:32:22,073 --> 00:32:23,006
Oh.

644
00:32:23,041 --> 00:32:24,541
That's a good one.
[laughs]

645
00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:26,376
Wiggle, wiggle the butt.

646
00:32:26,411 --> 00:32:28,645
Gotta get back to the yard...

647
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:33,083
Excellent depiction
of The Thinker.

648
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:38,455
Um, the only thing,
is that the thinker was nude.

649
00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:40,523
This is true. You're right.

650
00:32:40,558 --> 00:32:43,426
I, um, am not doing it
all the way right.

651
00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:46,396
So you're gonna have to
take off your clothes.

652
00:32:46,431 --> 00:32:48,298
Are you serious right now?

653
00:32:48,333 --> 00:32:50,233
Yeah. Take off your clothes.

654
00:32:50,268 --> 00:32:52,335
Come on, this is art.
I'm an artist.

655
00:32:52,370 --> 00:32:54,404
Yeah, I don't think
that will matter to the cops

656
00:32:54,439 --> 00:32:56,373
when they bust me
for being nude in public.

657
00:32:56,408 --> 00:32:58,375
Okay, well, we're not going to
leave until I get the shot.

658
00:32:58,410 --> 00:32:59,442
So...

659
00:32:59,477 --> 00:33:00,577
[groans]

660
00:33:00,612 --> 00:33:04,447
Alright. Yeah.
Why not?

661
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:06,783
There you go.
Bow-chickabow-wow.

662
00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:09,486
- If you have any singles...
- [laughing]

663
00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:10,754
...I appreciate tips.

664
00:33:10,789 --> 00:33:12,555
I'm totally messing with you.

665
00:33:12,590 --> 00:33:14,290
- I know!
- You were stripping!

666
00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:16,292
I'm messing back with you!
I'm not stripping!

667
00:33:16,327 --> 00:33:17,794
- You were taking off
your clothes.
- I was calling your bluff!

668
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:19,496
You could have been
arrested for that.

669
00:33:19,531 --> 00:33:20,630
I was trying to be The Thinker,

670
00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:23,700
who actually The Thinker
was originally called The Poet.

671
00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:28,505
Right, yeah, it was, um,
it was meant to depict Dante

672
00:33:28,540 --> 00:33:31,474
pondering in front
of the gates of hell.

673
00:33:31,509 --> 00:33:32,575
You know Dante?

674
00:33:32,610 --> 00:33:36,613
Remember tonight for it is
the beginning of always.

675
00:33:36,648 --> 00:33:38,381
Alright, well now you're just
showing off.

676
00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:40,417
That's very impressive.

677
00:33:40,452 --> 00:33:42,419
You know Dante
enough to quote it.

678
00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:43,686
How about that whole
Beatrice thing?

679
00:33:43,721 --> 00:33:45,388
That was a bummer, huh?

680
00:33:45,423 --> 00:33:49,259
I don't know, I think,
I think he loved her.

681
00:33:49,294 --> 00:33:51,361
I think she was his inspiration.

682
00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:55,498
Yeah, it's just a shame he never
got to tell her

683
00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:58,368
how he really felt about her.

684
00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:03,173
Maybe he thought that if he did,

685
00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:06,777
the idea that he had of her
could be changed?

686
00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:16,786
- [camera clicks]
- [laughing]

687
00:34:16,821 --> 00:34:18,822
I didn't know
what was happening.

688
00:34:27,532 --> 00:34:28,698
I gotcha.

689
00:34:37,475 --> 00:34:39,342
Here.

690
00:34:39,377 --> 00:34:41,211
I'll give you a hand.
I got that.

691
00:34:41,246 --> 00:34:42,812
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

692
00:34:42,847 --> 00:34:45,515
- Thank you for driving.
- Oh, my gosh. My pleasure.

693
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:46,749
It was no trouble at all.

694
00:34:46,784 --> 00:34:48,218
Really?

695
00:34:50,221 --> 00:34:51,287
I didn't say it was a date.

696
00:34:51,322 --> 00:34:53,623
It doesn't need to be a date
for me to be a gentleman.

697
00:34:53,658 --> 00:34:54,591
- Sorry.
- You okay?

698
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:56,259
- Mm.
- I gotcha.

699
00:34:59,297 --> 00:35:01,564
- [Laura retches]
- Alright.

700
00:35:01,599 --> 00:35:03,733
Okay. That's okay.
You held it in.

701
00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:05,635
- Mm-hm.
- You alright?

702
00:35:05,670 --> 00:35:07,637
Mm-hm. Yep.

703
00:35:07,672 --> 00:35:09,572
Ooh, there you go.
What a trooper.

704
00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:11,474
- Are you going to be okay?
- Yep.

705
00:35:11,509 --> 00:35:13,643
- Mm. Mm-hm.
- You sure? Okay.

706
00:35:13,678 --> 00:35:16,613
Ah, remember to sleep face down.

707
00:35:16,648 --> 00:35:18,248
Don't pull a Hendrix.

708
00:35:18,283 --> 00:35:20,550
Good. I'll see you tomorrow.

709
00:35:26,524 --> 00:35:28,592
[phone buzzes]

710
00:35:42,674 --> 00:35:44,674
Hi.

711
00:35:44,709 --> 00:35:46,376
What are you drinking?
Red wine?

712
00:35:46,411 --> 00:35:48,845
I, ah, am a vodka man myself.

713
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,281
- Can we get two vodkas?
- Yeah.

714
00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:52,448
Perhaps you'll join me?

715
00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:55,518
I gotta say, ah... [chuckles]

716
00:35:55,553 --> 00:35:58,755
That was some pretty interesting
stuff that you were saying.

717
00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:00,956
What you were talking about,

718
00:36:00,992 --> 00:36:07,397
it, ah, was pretty interesting,
but I'm open to it.

719
00:36:07,432 --> 00:36:09,465
- Um...
- Listen, listen, listen.

720
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:12,202
If you're embarrassed
about the picture, it's okay.

721
00:36:12,237 --> 00:36:15,205
I understand.
It's happened to me already.

722
00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:19,676
You're not the first,
and honestly, comparatively,
you're a pleasant surprise.

723
00:36:19,711 --> 00:36:21,711
I think I might be
into big girls,

724
00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:25,548
because the one who took me home
last night, she blew my mind.

725
00:36:25,583 --> 00:36:28,585
And so if you're game?

726
00:36:28,620 --> 00:36:31,354
I wanna meow with you, Kacy.

727
00:36:31,389 --> 00:36:33,690
I'm not Kacy.

728
00:36:33,725 --> 00:36:36,259
- Justin?
- Kacy!

729
00:36:36,294 --> 00:36:37,794
Hi!

730
00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:40,463
- Hi!
- Good to see you!

731
00:36:40,498 --> 00:36:42,365
- You look like you!
- Good to see you.

732
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:43,666
Ah, you wanna grab a drink?

733
00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:45,602
- Let's!
- Let's do it.

734
00:36:45,637 --> 00:36:47,804
I'm terribly sorry.

735
00:36:47,839 --> 00:36:50,540
This was a big misunderstanding.

736
00:36:52,944 --> 00:36:55,612
- Have a good night.
- Oh, okay.

737
00:37:00,451 --> 00:37:02,552
[moaning]

738
00:37:04,822 --> 00:37:06,589
- Flip me.
- What?

739
00:37:06,624 --> 00:37:08,691
Flip me. Okay.

740
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:10,660
Oh... That was fast.

741
00:37:10,695 --> 00:37:11,761
Put it in my butt.

742
00:37:11,796 --> 00:37:13,963
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.

743
00:37:13,998 --> 00:37:16,699
- Okay, um, thank you.
- Be gentle.

744
00:37:16,734 --> 00:37:18,768
- Yeah, of course.
- Okay. Just be gentle.

745
00:37:18,803 --> 00:37:21,371
- Oh!
- Gentle! Gentle!

746
00:37:21,406 --> 00:37:22,705
Gentle! Gentle! Gentle!

747
00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:26,276
- [groaning]
- Oh, wow!

748
00:37:26,811 --> 00:37:28,811
Gentle! Gentle! Gentle!

749
00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:31,981
- [groaning]
- Right there! Right there!

750
00:37:32,016 --> 00:37:33,483
You like to breathe?
You like to breathe?

751
00:37:33,518 --> 00:37:34,517
- I--
- Breathe! Breathe!

752
00:37:34,553 --> 00:37:36,519
- I do like... I do like to...
- Turning blue?

753
00:37:36,554 --> 00:37:38,554
- Turning the color blue?
- Tap out! Tap out.

754
00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:41,057
Alright. Okay, sure.
Is that comfortable for you?

755
00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:42,158
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

756
00:37:42,193 --> 00:37:43,860
- Swim... You like to swim?
- I'm swimming to you.

757
00:37:43,895 --> 00:37:45,395
- Swim!
- I'm swimming into you!

758
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,830
I want to drink you up!

759
00:37:47,865 --> 00:37:49,065
[moaning]

760
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,901
I want to drink you up!

761
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:58,074
- Nice and tasty with a--
- Oh, my God!

762
00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,642
Oh, that shouldn't feel good.

763
00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:01,344
- [moaning]
- Oh, wow!

764
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:03,513
Where'd you go?

765
00:38:03,548 --> 00:38:06,349
- Why are you so fast?
- Juice me, baby!

766
00:38:06,384 --> 00:38:08,385
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

767
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,420
- Yeah.
- Here it comes...

768
00:38:10,455 --> 00:38:12,589
[both moaning]

769
00:38:14,058 --> 00:38:15,692
I'm so sorry.

770
00:38:15,727 --> 00:38:17,927
- So, you came on her purse?
- Mm-hm.

771
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:21,030
- Well, that's embarrassing.
- Yeah.

772
00:38:21,065 --> 00:38:25,368
All I was thinking, was,
how many different guys
has she been with?

773
00:38:25,403 --> 00:38:26,569
Fifty or a hundred?

774
00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:28,438
- Right.
- Ugh. I feel dirty.

775
00:38:29,574 --> 00:38:32,642
Did you hear about the new
assistant manager position?

776
00:38:32,677 --> 00:38:33,777
That might be cool.

777
00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:40,650
Yeah, if you want to end up like
Earl for the rest of your life.

778
00:38:41,552 --> 00:38:42,852
Well, what's wrong
with Earl's life?

779
00:38:42,887 --> 00:38:45,621
He's got his own office.

780
00:38:45,656 --> 00:38:47,357
His own parking space. A wife.

781
00:38:47,392 --> 00:38:48,691
Those sound like pretty
good perks.

782
00:38:48,726 --> 00:38:49,826
Don't let the job title
fool you.

783
00:38:49,861 --> 00:38:51,828
There's no growth here.

784
00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,897
Earl's going to be
manager until he...

785
00:38:55,099 --> 00:38:57,800
...until he
chokes on his own neck.

786
00:38:57,835 --> 00:39:00,002
If you get comfortable here,
if you get comfortable living

787
00:39:00,037 --> 00:39:02,839
paycheck to paycheck, that's how
you get stuck, brother.

788
00:39:02,874 --> 00:39:06,376
And what is the problem
with being comfortable
with job security?

789
00:39:06,411 --> 00:39:09,011
Cause, I don't know if you know
this, but we're in a recession.

790
00:39:09,046 --> 00:39:10,747
Are we in a recession?

791
00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:12,949
I actually don't know.

792
00:39:12,984 --> 00:39:15,818
We're still... Well?
Probably not.

793
00:39:15,853 --> 00:39:18,888
But I feel like,
there are lots of people
who would kill for this job.

794
00:39:20,057 --> 00:39:23,426
There is no one killing to work
at fucking Cal-Telcom.

795
00:39:23,461 --> 00:39:27,630
You know if they offered me
the assistant manager position,
I'd turn that shit down.

796
00:39:27,665 --> 00:39:28,798
You know why?

797
00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:32,869
Cause I value this.
I place value on myself.

798
00:39:32,904 --> 00:39:34,937
Place it on.

799
00:39:34,972 --> 00:39:38,775
And one day, I'm gonna get outta
here and find something better

800
00:39:38,810 --> 00:39:40,877
and something more fulfilling
than working in this rat hole.

801
00:39:40,912 --> 00:39:43,880
Yeah, well, if that's true,
then why don't you just
do something about it?

802
00:39:43,915 --> 00:39:46,115
Either quit, get a job
that doesn't suck,

803
00:39:46,150 --> 00:39:50,086
or stop complaining about it,
because I think, really,
I think you like this job.

804
00:39:50,121 --> 00:39:52,088
Don't fucking talk
that way to me.

805
00:39:52,123 --> 00:39:53,723
Look I'm sorry.

806
00:39:53,758 --> 00:39:55,758
I don't like to be
talked to like that.

807
00:39:55,793 --> 00:39:57,760
- [phone ringing]
- Alright?

808
00:39:57,795 --> 00:39:58,961
Who's calling me?

809
00:39:58,996 --> 00:40:01,798
Oh, it's your mom!
I gotta take this.

810
00:40:01,833 --> 00:40:03,166
Hey, babe.

811
00:40:05,169 --> 00:40:06,870
Hey, Justin.

812
00:40:07,205 --> 00:40:08,171
Earl.

813
00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:09,239
Talked to corporate earlier.

814
00:40:09,274 --> 00:40:12,074
Rumors you hear about them
wanting me to bring on

815
00:40:12,109 --> 00:40:15,645
an assistant manager...
are true.

816
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:17,947
Oh, good. Oh, yeah.
I'd heard something.

817
00:40:17,982 --> 00:40:19,582
They want to
promote from within.

818
00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:20,750
That's great.
That's awesome.

819
00:40:20,785 --> 00:40:24,921
If I were you, I would see
that as a good opportunity.

820
00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:28,124
And there are a lot of perks.

821
00:40:28,159 --> 00:40:30,860
So, keep up the good work.

822
00:40:32,897 --> 00:40:34,730
Cal-Telcom, this is Justin.

823
00:40:34,765 --> 00:40:35,832
[woman with deep voice]
<i>Hello, Justin.</i>

824
00:40:35,867 --> 00:40:37,133
Hi. How may I be of service?

825
00:40:37,168 --> 00:40:39,869
<i>You were fucking
amazing last night.</i>

826
00:40:39,904 --> 00:40:41,838
I'm sorry, who is this?

827
00:40:41,873 --> 00:40:44,207
<i>You don't remember me?</i>

828
00:40:45,576 --> 00:40:46,609
Kacy?

829
00:40:46,644 --> 00:40:48,010
[Laura]<i> Who's Kacy?</i>

830
00:40:48,045 --> 00:40:50,146
[chuckles]

831
00:40:51,649 --> 00:40:53,716
I knew it was you.

832
00:40:53,751 --> 00:40:54,717
[chuckles]

833
00:40:54,752 --> 00:40:56,886
No, I just made up a name.
I knew it was you.

834
00:40:56,921 --> 00:40:58,921
Um, what's going on?

835
00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:01,891
Um, so I have those pictures
from the other night

836
00:41:01,926 --> 00:41:03,025
if you want to come
check 'em out?

837
00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:04,928
Yeah, yeah.

838
00:41:10,568 --> 00:41:12,068
You don't like them?

839
00:41:14,205 --> 00:41:15,938
- Not really...
- Come on.

840
00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:17,673
No, of course!
These are incredible.

841
00:41:17,708 --> 00:41:19,642
Are you kidding me?
These are amazing!

842
00:41:19,677 --> 00:41:21,110
Have you ever thought of
showing these to anybody?

843
00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:22,712
- No, no, no, no.
- Why not?

844
00:41:22,747 --> 00:41:24,881
No, um...

845
00:41:24,916 --> 00:41:28,551
I showed my friend Emily once
and she said that I could maybe

846
00:41:28,586 --> 00:41:31,621
show them in her gallery,
but I think she might
of just been being nice.

847
00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:34,924
I know nothing about photos,
and I'm interested by these.

848
00:41:34,959 --> 00:41:35,892
So I should trust your opinion?

849
00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:36,993
Yeah!

850
00:41:37,028 --> 00:41:40,096
- If, if I were to show them...
- When.

851
00:41:40,131 --> 00:41:43,866
...at her gallery,
would you go and be my date?

852
00:41:43,901 --> 00:41:47,203
That is of course unless you
completely are afraid

853
00:41:47,238 --> 00:41:49,205
of doing it because I almost
puked on you the other night.

854
00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:50,740
- Which is totally okay!
- Exactly.

855
00:41:50,775 --> 00:41:52,141
No, that was
my first thought, like,

856
00:41:52,177 --> 00:41:55,044
- am I going to be in danger
of being vomited on?
- Right. Right.

857
00:41:55,079 --> 00:41:57,613
- But you know,
you held it in, so...
- I did.

858
00:41:57,648 --> 00:41:59,682
I'll man up. Alright.

859
00:41:59,717 --> 00:42:01,150
You do the showing,
I'll be your date.

860
00:42:01,185 --> 00:42:02,519
Deal.

861
00:42:07,792 --> 00:42:10,693
- [Sammy] Laura from work Laura?
- Laura from work Laura.

862
00:42:10,728 --> 00:42:12,228
[Sammy] But you're still
gonna do the online thing?

863
00:42:12,263 --> 00:42:13,496
Yeah, I don't know
about that, man.

864
00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:15,865
I kind of want to see where this
thing with Laura goes, you know?

865
00:42:15,900 --> 00:42:18,901
[Sammy] Dude, do not get back
right into a relationship.

866
00:42:18,936 --> 00:42:20,169
Why not?

867
00:42:20,204 --> 00:42:24,007
Isn't that what this
whole online dating thing
is about anyway?

868
00:42:25,142 --> 00:42:28,077
No. It's about
having sex with sluts.

869
00:42:28,112 --> 00:42:30,313
Well, I wouldn't
call them sluts.

870
00:42:30,348 --> 00:42:31,847
Well, that's what they are.

871
00:42:31,882 --> 00:42:33,816
That's what Casual Encounters
is all about.

872
00:42:33,851 --> 00:42:34,850
What do you mean?

873
00:42:34,886 --> 00:42:37,987
Casual Encounters
are all people who are DTF.

874
00:42:38,022 --> 00:42:38,721
Do you know what that means?

875
00:42:38,756 --> 00:42:41,357
- Yeah.
- Tell me. I don't know.

876
00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:45,761
- Down to fuck.
- Yes. Easy lays.

877
00:42:45,796 --> 00:42:47,930
Besides, Laura is primo.

878
00:42:47,965 --> 00:42:50,032
A girl like that
you only get one shot at.

879
00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:52,902
You can't cum on her purse.
She won't stand for it.

880
00:42:52,937 --> 00:42:56,038
- I'll conference Louis in.
- No, please don't do that.

881
00:42:56,073 --> 00:42:59,742
- Laura from work Laura?
- Laura from work Laura.

882
00:42:59,777 --> 00:43:01,077
I see.

883
00:43:01,112 --> 00:43:05,114
And now young Justin
is wanting to put all
his eggs in her basket.

884
00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:07,283
- That is a mistake.
- Wait. Why is that?

885
00:43:07,318 --> 00:43:09,952
Because those eggs
might not hatch.

886
00:43:09,987 --> 00:43:11,053
Thank you!

887
00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:12,154
You don't Laura's intentions

888
00:43:12,189 --> 00:43:15,992
and she could be seeing
other people just as well.

889
00:43:16,027 --> 00:43:18,894
- I don't think she is.
- Well, you don't know for sure.

890
00:43:18,929 --> 00:43:22,331
Best to just keep your options
open until you do.

891
00:43:22,366 --> 00:43:25,301
Besides, it will benefit you
if you end up with Laura.

892
00:43:25,336 --> 00:43:26,903
How so?

893
00:43:27,905 --> 00:43:30,139
Laura is primo.

894
00:43:30,174 --> 00:43:32,708
That's funny, because you know
that's exactly what I said.

895
00:43:32,743 --> 00:43:34,310
- You're learning.
- [Justin] Wait, um, I'm sorry.

896
00:43:34,345 --> 00:43:36,746
Can someone explain to me
what primo means?

897
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:39,782
Laura is an exquisite woman

898
00:43:39,817 --> 00:43:43,986
and is accustomed to
a specific kind of partner.

899
00:43:44,021 --> 00:43:45,388
Did you know Paul?

900
00:43:45,423 --> 00:43:46,989
Her ex? No.

901
00:43:47,024 --> 00:43:49,258
Well I did.
He was in the Navy.

902
00:43:49,293 --> 00:43:51,193
Travelled the world,
port to port,

903
00:43:51,228 --> 00:43:55,965
learning God knows what
kind of incredible techniques.

904
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,734
That's what Laura
is accustomed to.

905
00:43:58,769 --> 00:44:00,135
Do you have any dates planned?

906
00:44:00,171 --> 00:44:03,873
I actually have one for tonight,
but I was thinking about
canceling it.

907
00:44:03,908 --> 00:44:05,241
[both] Don't!

908
00:44:05,276 --> 00:44:07,109
Don't do that, fucker!

909
00:44:07,144 --> 00:44:10,179
Just keep the date
as planned and be open.

910
00:44:10,214 --> 00:44:14,083
Alright, but I'm telling you,
I'm not gonna be into it.

911
00:44:14,785 --> 00:44:16,085
[moaning]

912
00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:20,990
[grunts]

913
00:44:23,027 --> 00:44:23,959
[growls]

914
00:44:23,994 --> 00:44:26,195
[laughing]

915
00:44:26,230 --> 00:44:27,396
Oh, my God.

916
00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:29,098
You want to do something kinky?

917
00:44:29,133 --> 00:44:30,933
Sure.

918
00:44:30,968 --> 00:44:32,268
Woo!

919
00:44:32,303 --> 00:44:33,836
- Woo-hoo!
- How about a blumpie?

920
00:44:33,871 --> 00:44:36,472
- Yeah, that sounds good to me.
- Whoooo!

921
00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:39,275
- Yee-ha!
- Blumpies are so hot!

922
00:44:39,310 --> 00:44:40,309
- Okay.
- Mmmm.

923
00:44:40,344 --> 00:44:41,944
- Sure.
- Come with me, stud.

924
00:44:41,979 --> 00:44:43,179
Okay.

925
00:44:48,819 --> 00:44:50,219
Oh, yes.
I like blumpies.

926
00:44:50,254 --> 00:44:52,822
I never called it
a blumpie before.

927
00:44:52,857 --> 00:44:54,056
Come on, let's go.

928
00:44:54,091 --> 00:44:57,159
Take the
Browns to the Superbowl.

929
00:44:57,194 --> 00:44:58,928
What exactly do you mean?

930
00:44:58,963 --> 00:45:01,497
- Take a shit.
- Ohhh! Fuck.

931
00:45:01,532 --> 00:45:03,099
Ew! Ew! Ew!

932
00:45:03,134 --> 00:45:05,735
Oh, God, what is wrong with you?

933
00:45:05,770 --> 00:45:06,869
No!

934
00:45:06,904 --> 00:45:07,870
I...

935
00:45:07,905 --> 00:45:11,273
Listen, I'm sorry but I
am not that kind of guy.

936
00:45:11,308 --> 00:45:14,176
Okay?

937
00:45:14,211 --> 00:45:18,147
And if I'm being honest,
Mercedes, tonight was a mistake.

938
00:45:18,182 --> 00:45:19,381
And it's not your fault.

939
00:45:19,417 --> 00:45:23,886
Actually there is this girl
who is, she's amazing and, um,

940
00:45:23,921 --> 00:45:25,988
I think I'm falling for her.

941
00:45:26,023 --> 00:45:29,258
And so this feels really wrong
and it's not you it's...

942
00:45:29,293 --> 00:45:32,094
Mercedes... Mercedes, shit!

943
00:45:32,129 --> 00:45:34,864
Mercedes. Oh, no, no, no.

944
00:45:34,899 --> 00:45:37,299
Oh, no. Please don't die.

945
00:45:37,334 --> 00:45:39,201
I don't know how to
fucking do that.

946
00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:41,470
Godammit, Sammy!
Alright, we gotta get you help!

947
00:45:41,505 --> 00:45:43,973
We gotta get you help, honey.
Oh, my gosh.

948
00:45:44,008 --> 00:45:47,409
Up we go. One, two, three.
I'm so sorry. Okay.

949
00:45:47,444 --> 00:45:48,477
- [head bumps against door]
- Oh, shit.

950
00:45:48,512 --> 00:45:51,114
I am sorry twice now.

951
00:45:56,253 --> 00:45:57,453
Are you a doctor?

952
00:45:57,488 --> 00:46:00,122
Are you a doctor or a nurse?
I can't tell.

953
00:46:00,157 --> 00:46:01,957
Here we go.
I got you there.

954
00:46:01,992 --> 00:46:06,162
She's unconscious.
She hit her head
and she hasn't woken up.

955
00:46:06,197 --> 00:46:10,232
We were in the bathroom...
Do you know what a blumpie is?

956
00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:11,233
I know what a blumpie is.

957
00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:13,402
Okay, cause I didn't
and it's disgusting, right?

958
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,571
But she wouldn't stop,
so I tried to just

959
00:46:15,606 --> 00:46:16,972
push her off of me
and she hit her head.

960
00:46:17,008 --> 00:46:20,143
I've never seen someone
get knocked unconscious from
a blumpie before.

961
00:46:21,245 --> 00:46:22,178
Is she going to be okay?

962
00:46:22,213 --> 00:46:23,312
I mean, there's no blood, but...

963
00:46:23,347 --> 00:46:24,346
You're going to need
to go inside

964
00:46:24,381 --> 00:46:25,848
and fill out an incident report.

965
00:46:26,617 --> 00:46:28,251
I'm not going to do that.

966
00:46:31,989 --> 00:46:34,490
[car door shuts]
[tires screech]

967
00:46:47,638 --> 00:46:49,272
Hey, Earl.

968
00:46:50,007 --> 00:46:51,173
You're early.

969
00:46:51,208 --> 00:46:53,509
Yes, I am.

970
00:46:53,544 --> 00:46:55,411
I like it.

971
00:46:55,446 --> 00:46:57,814
It shows leadership qualities.

972
00:46:59,049 --> 00:47:02,484
Of course,
I get in around 8:30.

973
00:47:02,519 --> 00:47:06,388
- That's impressive.
- Don't clock in before 9:00.

974
00:47:06,423 --> 00:47:07,990
You got it.

975
00:47:08,025 --> 00:47:09,158
[cell phone buzzes]

976
00:47:13,330 --> 00:47:14,330
Hi, Mom.

977
00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:15,931
<i>[Mom]
Oh! Finally.</i>

978
00:47:15,966 --> 00:47:17,099
<i>How's everything going?</i>

979
00:47:17,134 --> 00:47:18,334
Ah... fine.

980
00:47:18,369 --> 00:47:20,269
<i>Oh, Sammy tells me
that you've been</i>

981
00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:22,338
<i>going on some online dates.</i>

982
00:47:22,373 --> 00:47:24,540
<i>Have you been meeting,
you know, some nice girls?</i>

983
00:47:24,575 --> 00:47:26,976
No, Mom, I have not been
meeting nice girls.

984
00:47:27,011 --> 00:47:29,345
I've been meeting almost the
exact opposite of nice girls.

985
00:47:29,380 --> 00:47:30,379
<i>Oh, come on, come on.</i>

986
00:47:30,414 --> 00:47:31,614
Mom, I can't, I'm at work.

987
00:47:31,649 --> 00:47:32,648
Okay. I lov...
I'll talk to you later.

988
00:47:32,684 --> 00:47:35,551
I'll call you back.
Bye, bye. I love you, bye.

989
00:47:35,586 --> 00:47:39,222
His body was hard like
Michelangelo's David.

990
00:47:40,324 --> 00:47:41,457
- I could feel myself warming--
- [clicks off]

991
00:47:41,492 --> 00:47:44,426
- Hey, Louis.
- Hello, Justin.

992
00:47:44,461 --> 00:47:48,564
I need you to delete my profile
from Casual Encounters
immediately, please.

993
00:47:48,599 --> 00:47:50,900
Okay. Not a problem.

994
00:47:50,935 --> 00:47:53,602
- Can I get a reason?
- Oh, I'll give you a few.

995
00:47:53,637 --> 00:47:56,338
There's the 300 pound
girl who broke my bed.

996
00:47:56,373 --> 00:48:01,143
There's the one woman
ass-circus nympho who forced me
to shoot my load in her face.

997
00:48:01,178 --> 00:48:02,377
I thought you came
on her purse?

998
00:48:02,413 --> 00:48:04,380
And then there's last night,
where I found myself dragging

999
00:48:04,415 --> 00:48:07,216
a girl's unconscious body
from my bathroom to the ER.

1000
00:48:07,251 --> 00:48:10,286
She's fine, I think.
It's not for me.

1001
00:48:10,321 --> 00:48:12,621
Okay?
And I've actually...

1002
00:48:12,656 --> 00:48:15,190
I've got something
really great going on so...

1003
00:48:15,225 --> 00:48:19,228
We often find our destiny taking
a road we took to avoid it.

1004
00:48:19,263 --> 00:48:20,696
Un-huh.

1005
00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:23,232
That means you're going to
delete the stuff, right?

1006
00:48:23,267 --> 00:48:25,434
- Oh, yeah. I'll delete it.
- Thank you.

1007
00:48:28,405 --> 00:48:30,506
So, how did it go last night?

1008
00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,408
I'm done with Casual Encounters.

1009
00:48:32,443 --> 00:48:33,676
Oh no. What happened?

1010
00:48:33,711 --> 00:48:35,711
This stupid thing never works.

1011
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:36,945
That thing is just for show.

1012
00:48:36,981 --> 00:48:39,715
I think I just need to figure
out my love life on my own.

1013
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:41,083
I understand.

1014
00:48:41,118 --> 00:48:42,685
I went to the doctor yesterday

1015
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:44,453
and found out
some very bad news.

1016
00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:45,354
You got an STD?

1017
00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:49,391
I have the old acid reflux.

1018
00:48:49,426 --> 00:48:54,096
Been spitting up gunk for,
geez, just about 18 months now.

1019
00:48:54,131 --> 00:48:55,331
And you just went to the doctor?

1020
00:48:55,366 --> 00:48:57,433
Well, I was handling it myself,

1021
00:48:57,468 --> 00:48:59,168
you know, bananas and peaches.

1022
00:48:59,203 --> 00:49:00,436
- Um...
- Didn't help.

1023
00:49:00,471 --> 00:49:04,239
So anyway,
it's 40 milligrams of Prilosec

1024
00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:05,708
everyday from here on in.

1025
00:49:05,743 --> 00:49:07,242
[chuckles]

1026
00:49:07,277 --> 00:49:09,378
You know, you never know what's
gonna get ya,

1027
00:49:09,413 --> 00:49:12,381
but we all die from something.

1028
00:49:12,416 --> 00:49:15,050
I don't think acid reflux is
going to kill you.

1029
00:49:15,085 --> 00:49:17,386
Did you know
our health insurance
only covers 20 percent?

1030
00:49:17,421 --> 00:49:20,389
- I actually did.
- That's a little strange.

1031
00:49:20,424 --> 00:49:22,491
Yeah, I'll see you, buddy.

1032
00:49:22,526 --> 00:49:24,526
Oh, yeah.

1033
00:49:24,561 --> 00:49:26,562
[English accent]
Crackers and knickers!
Crackers and knickers!

1034
00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:28,464
[laughing]

1035
00:49:28,499 --> 00:49:32,368
Ooh! Hold a tick,
time for my spot of tea.

1036
00:49:32,403 --> 00:49:33,736
- [normal voice] Hey.
- Hey.

1037
00:49:33,771 --> 00:49:37,573
Um, I know that you had said
that I could be your date

1038
00:49:37,608 --> 00:49:41,643
for the exhibit,
but I was wondering
if maybe in the meantime,

1039
00:49:41,678 --> 00:49:44,213
you would like to
grab dinner or something?

1040
00:49:44,248 --> 00:49:46,515
- Okay.
- Okay.

1041
00:49:46,550 --> 00:49:51,020
Um, I live with my mom, and so
maybe I should pick you up?

1042
00:49:51,055 --> 00:49:53,122
Yeah, oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Sure.

1043
00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:54,289
She could come with us?

1044
00:49:54,324 --> 00:49:55,424
- Mmmmmm?
- No, yeah you're right.

1045
00:49:55,459 --> 00:49:56,425
- Just us.
- Just us.

1046
00:49:56,460 --> 00:49:58,027
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.

1047
00:49:58,062 --> 00:50:00,396
- Tonight?
- Yeah.

1048
00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:01,730
- Okay.
- Sure.

1049
00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:03,499
- We'll do it.
- Sure.

1050
00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:05,067
- Great.
- Yep.

1051
00:50:07,337 --> 00:50:10,105
Aw. Tulips.
I love tulips.

1052
00:50:10,140 --> 00:50:11,206
I'm glad.

1053
00:50:11,241 --> 00:50:14,510
And may I say, your two lips
aren't too shabby either?

1054
00:50:14,545 --> 00:50:17,413
- [laughs]
- That was cheesy?

1055
00:50:17,448 --> 00:50:19,314
Yeah, it was cheesy.
Cheesy's good.

1056
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:21,383
Okay. So where'd you want
to go tonight?

1057
00:50:21,418 --> 00:50:24,086
Um, I was thinking maybe
Carson House?

1058
00:50:24,121 --> 00:50:27,423
Yeah, I mean, do you want
to try something new maybe?

1059
00:50:27,458 --> 00:50:28,491
Or something different?

1060
00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:31,126
Honestly, when it comes to,
like, food and bars,

1061
00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:33,762
- I kinda like the same.
- Okay. Same.

1062
00:50:33,797 --> 00:50:35,364
Let's do it.

1063
00:50:37,401 --> 00:50:39,435
[music plays]

1064
00:50:41,338 --> 00:50:44,706
- Louis is here.
- Oh, and he's got a friend.

1065
00:50:44,741 --> 00:50:46,742
Two machine guns.

1066
00:50:46,777 --> 00:50:48,310
Oh.

1067
00:50:48,345 --> 00:50:50,245
We didn't,
we didn't order these, right?

1068
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,481
- No, ah, I ah, thanks...
- She's a cutie.

1069
00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:53,515
[chuckles]

1070
00:50:53,550 --> 00:50:55,517
- A shot before dinner?
- I know.

1071
00:50:55,552 --> 00:50:56,618
It's...
it's terrible, isn't it?

1072
00:50:56,653 --> 00:50:58,520
I apologize. Do you not...
we don't have to do it.

1073
00:50:58,555 --> 00:51:00,322
- Don't apologize! Let's...
- Is that okay? Are you game?

1074
00:51:00,357 --> 00:51:01,590
- Yeah. Let's do this.
- Start it up.

1075
00:51:01,625 --> 00:51:03,159
Alright.

1076
00:51:05,596 --> 00:51:07,563
- That was terrible.
- Yeah.

1077
00:51:07,598 --> 00:51:10,799
Um, so, what did she
whisper to you?

1078
00:51:10,834 --> 00:51:12,668
- You wanna know?
- It looked nice. Yeah.

1079
00:51:12,703 --> 00:51:13,802
- It was very pleasant.
- Mm-hm.

1080
00:51:13,837 --> 00:51:16,405
Uh, she told me
that you are a cutie.

1081
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:17,506
- She did.
- Cutie?

1082
00:51:17,541 --> 00:51:18,574
That's literally what she said.

1083
00:51:18,609 --> 00:51:20,442
I think she might be
a lesbian for you.

1084
00:51:20,477 --> 00:51:24,246
- Guys! Hey!
- Louis, you found us!

1085
00:51:24,548 --> 00:51:26,148
This is epic!

1086
00:51:26,183 --> 00:51:26,882
Outside of work.

1087
00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:28,317
- I know.
- Weird!

1088
00:51:28,352 --> 00:51:30,152
- We're real people. What?
- Yeah.

1089
00:51:30,187 --> 00:51:33,388
- You guys are the best!
- You are!

1090
00:51:33,423 --> 00:51:36,592
[laughs]
Well, have a magical night.

1091
00:51:36,627 --> 00:51:38,293
- Together.
- Thank you.

1092
00:51:38,328 --> 00:51:39,561
- Yeah.
- Okay...

1093
00:51:39,596 --> 00:51:42,898
She is primo. Primo!

1094
00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:45,234
- [Justin laughs uncomfortably]
- What did he say?

1095
00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:48,737
I think, well he said "primo."
It's Italian for co-worker.

1096
00:51:48,772 --> 00:51:51,440
People are just, like,
whispering left and right...

1097
00:51:51,475 --> 00:51:54,610
Yeah, I-I come here,
I guess a fair amount.

1098
00:51:54,645 --> 00:51:56,578
- Okay.
- So, date question.

1099
00:51:56,613 --> 00:51:58,881
- Okay.
- Do you have any siblings?

1100
00:51:58,916 --> 00:52:00,449
- No.
- Okay.

1101
00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:02,484
What about you?
Do you have siblings?

1102
00:52:02,519 --> 00:52:04,786
Also an only child.
My mom and dad

1103
00:52:04,821 --> 00:52:07,890
sat me down when I was six
and asked me if I wanted
a brother or sister.

1104
00:52:07,925 --> 00:52:08,891
What'd you say?

1105
00:52:08,926 --> 00:52:11,226
I told them that
I wanted a cat.

1106
00:52:11,261 --> 00:52:13,629
Be careful, because you don't
want to end up that sort of

1107
00:52:13,664 --> 00:52:17,566
sad cat lady,
who, you know, she spends
all her time and affection

1108
00:52:17,601 --> 00:52:22,471
on feeding and watering
and talking to
and putting in outfits

1109
00:52:22,506 --> 00:52:27,176
and dressing up in Christmas
sweaters around the holidays
for her Christmas card.

1110
00:52:27,211 --> 00:52:28,544
That's totally me.

1111
00:52:28,579 --> 00:52:30,646
- Oh.
- I have a cat,

1112
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:34,216
and I knit my cat really
awesome Christmas sweaters.

1113
00:52:34,251 --> 00:52:37,686
I don't... I was thinking of,
like, a cat lady,

1114
00:52:37,721 --> 00:52:41,924
like old and you know,
you're, you're not,
I don't...

1115
00:52:41,959 --> 00:52:43,725
I'm sorry if I hurt
your feelings.

1116
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,727
- Did you make me bleed?
- I hope not.

1117
00:52:45,762 --> 00:52:48,230
Did you break my heart? Did...

1118
00:52:48,265 --> 00:52:52,401
- No, I don't think so.
- Okay, then stop apologizing.

1119
00:52:52,436 --> 00:52:54,270
- It's alright.
- Gotcha.

1120
00:52:57,574 --> 00:53:00,576
[music plays]

1121
00:53:02,579 --> 00:53:07,583
Um, so I have
been thinking about the exhibit.

1122
00:53:07,618 --> 00:53:09,184
- If I were to do a show...
- Yes!

1123
00:53:09,220 --> 00:53:14,389
- If. Um, I picked some photos
that I would use potentially.
- Show me! Yes!

1124
00:53:14,424 --> 00:53:16,625
- Um, my...
- Show me!

1125
00:53:16,660 --> 00:53:18,727
- My... right down in my bag.
- Yeah, yeah.

1126
00:53:18,762 --> 00:53:20,896
- So...
- Oh, look at this.

1127
00:53:20,931 --> 00:53:23,799
Very professional.
I like that.

1128
00:53:24,635 --> 00:53:26,835
Oh, wow. That's awesome.

1129
00:53:27,638 --> 00:53:29,671
You're very good.

1130
00:53:29,706 --> 00:53:31,673
This is amazing.

1131
00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:34,643
Did you talk to your friend?
To Emily?

1132
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:37,679
- No.
- You didn't call her?

1133
00:53:37,714 --> 00:53:39,581
- No.
- Why not?

1134
00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:42,718
What if people don't like it?

1135
00:53:42,753 --> 00:53:44,720
Well, rejection is a fucker.

1136
00:53:44,755 --> 00:53:48,624
I'm not saying they'll reject
your work, I just mean,

1137
00:53:48,659 --> 00:53:53,595
I know how it feels and so
to be afraid is understandable.

1138
00:53:53,630 --> 00:53:58,467
But you should push through,
because I think you have a gift.

1139
00:53:59,336 --> 00:54:00,936
You make the world prettier.

1140
00:54:04,341 --> 00:54:06,441
Um, sorry, is this your phone?

1141
00:54:06,476 --> 00:54:07,575
- This is yours, right?
- Yeah.

1142
00:54:07,611 --> 00:54:09,845
Do you mind if I just
make a call on it real quick?

1143
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:11,280
- No. No.
- Do you mind if I--

1144
00:54:11,315 --> 00:54:12,781
- Okay... No!
- You don't mind?

1145
00:54:12,816 --> 00:54:13,815
- Oh, thank you.
- No, no, no...

1146
00:54:13,851 --> 00:54:16,318
There's no passcode on this!
That's dangerous!

1147
00:54:16,353 --> 00:54:18,787
You are not supposed to mess
with a lady's telephone!

1148
00:54:18,822 --> 00:54:21,556
You... don't you know
to believe in yourself?

1149
00:54:21,591 --> 00:54:22,724
Do you know that lesson though?

1150
00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:25,327
- I would...
- But I would, if I...

1151
00:54:25,362 --> 00:54:26,595
It's call... It's ringing...

1152
00:54:26,630 --> 00:54:28,597
It will be rude
if we hang up now.

1153
00:54:29,966 --> 00:54:31,733
Hi. Is this Emily?

1154
00:54:31,768 --> 00:54:33,769
Hi. This is Justin.

1155
00:54:33,804 --> 00:54:36,605
Uh, no, Laura's fine.

1156
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,641
Um, I work with Laura.
I'm Justin.

1157
00:54:39,676 --> 00:54:41,643
You've heard of me?
That's interesting.

1158
00:54:41,678 --> 00:54:46,648
Well, Emily, the reason
I am calling you
is cause I happen to feel

1159
00:54:46,683 --> 00:54:48,984
that Laura is the most
talented photographer

1160
00:54:49,019 --> 00:54:53,489
I have ever seen and she
mentioned to me your offer.

1161
00:54:54,791 --> 00:54:55,858
Yes.

1162
00:54:57,761 --> 00:54:59,662
I understand.

1163
00:55:00,530 --> 00:55:02,431
Alright. Thank you.

1164
00:55:02,466 --> 00:55:03,765
Nice talking to you, Emily.

1165
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,434
Yeah, bye.
Have a good night.

1166
00:55:10,474 --> 00:55:13,809
Oh... what did she...
What did she say?

1167
00:55:13,844 --> 00:55:14,976
Oh you want to know
about the phone call?

1168
00:55:15,011 --> 00:55:16,611
You're right, I'm sorry.
That's rude.

1169
00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:18,847
She told me that
starting this Friday,

1170
00:55:18,882 --> 00:55:20,983
you will have a place
for people to view your work.

1171
00:55:23,553 --> 00:55:25,754
[music plays]

1172
00:55:52,482 --> 00:55:57,052
Um, do you mind if
we just wait for this?

1173
00:55:57,087 --> 00:55:58,153
- Of course, sure.
- Yeah?

1174
00:55:58,188 --> 00:55:59,688
- Yeah, of course.
- Okay.

1175
00:55:59,723 --> 00:56:01,223
- You okay?
- Yeah. No, no. I'm good.

1176
00:56:01,258 --> 00:56:05,794
- I just, I just think we should
lay a little bit.
- I love laying. I love it.

1177
00:56:05,829 --> 00:56:07,129
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1178
00:56:09,966 --> 00:56:11,600
This is nice.

1179
00:56:12,769 --> 00:56:15,704
I haven't been this happy
in a long time.

1180
00:56:22,679 --> 00:56:24,947
[alarm beeps]

1181
00:56:31,822 --> 00:56:33,722
- [sighs]
- Mm.

1182
00:56:37,794 --> 00:56:40,896
What do you say
we just skip work

1183
00:56:40,931 --> 00:56:42,864
and stay in
and hang out all day?

1184
00:56:42,899 --> 00:56:46,067
I'd say that's, like,
the best idea you've ever had.

1185
00:56:46,102 --> 00:56:47,235
Yeah.

1186
00:56:47,270 --> 00:56:51,606
But, ah, I'm up for the
assistant manager position...

1187
00:56:51,641 --> 00:56:53,809
- Right.
- ...so I feel like I should be
on my best behavior.

1188
00:56:53,844 --> 00:56:55,143
I'm so sorry.
Are you mad?

1189
00:56:55,178 --> 00:56:56,678
- No.
- Don't me mad at me.

1190
00:56:56,713 --> 00:56:58,046
- No, I'm not.
- Okay. Raincheck?

1191
00:56:58,081 --> 00:56:59,448
Yes.

1192
00:56:59,483 --> 00:57:01,483
Um, did you know Earl

1193
00:57:01,518 --> 00:57:03,819
had that same conversation
with Sammy and I?

1194
00:57:03,854 --> 00:57:04,920
He did? He said that?

1195
00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:07,923
I didn't know that.
That's awesome. That's great.

1196
00:57:07,958 --> 00:57:10,759
I think if you want to do that,
you should do that,

1197
00:57:10,794 --> 00:57:13,161
because you would be,
you'd be great at it.

1198
00:57:13,196 --> 00:57:15,564
No, I don't I don't,
I don't want it.

1199
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:16,998
I think Sammy does.

1200
00:57:17,033 --> 00:57:18,700
I think it would be
down to you guys, but--

1201
00:57:18,735 --> 00:57:20,936
Sammy literally told
me he did not want it.

1202
00:57:20,971 --> 00:57:23,705
He said that to me. And he's
terrible at his current job.

1203
00:57:23,740 --> 00:57:26,975
No, he's...
he's trying to be cool.

1204
00:57:27,978 --> 00:57:30,479
Are you playing it cool?

1205
00:57:30,514 --> 00:57:33,582
No, I'm just,
I'm just really cool.

1206
00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:35,050
- You are very cool.
- Mm-hmm.

1207
00:57:35,085 --> 00:57:36,885
I'm gonna get in the shower.
You gonna stay in bed?

1208
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:38,854
- Yeah.
- Okay.

1209
00:57:43,927 --> 00:57:45,560
The one that's blinking
is great.

1210
00:57:45,595 --> 00:57:48,897
So why don't you go ahead
and pull out the power cord.

1211
00:57:48,932 --> 00:57:52,534
Great. And then wait about
10 to 15 seconds
to plug it back in.

1212
00:57:52,569 --> 00:57:54,002
That's right.

1213
00:57:55,038 --> 00:57:56,572
[phone buzzes]

1214
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:00,408
Alright, that's great to hear.

1215
00:58:00,444 --> 00:58:01,977
I actually have to leave,
but I hope you have
a great night,

1216
00:58:02,012 --> 00:58:03,979
and thank you for calling
Cal-Telcom.

1217
00:58:07,751 --> 00:58:10,118
[music plays]

1218
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:16,225
This one, to me, says: joy.

1219
00:58:18,862 --> 00:58:19,728
Wow.

1220
00:58:19,763 --> 00:58:22,764
Could you, um,
just excuse me for a minute?

1221
00:58:26,836 --> 00:58:29,070
This close
to having a threesome.

1222
00:58:29,105 --> 00:58:30,572
This close.

1223
00:58:31,141 --> 00:58:32,307
With them?

1224
00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:34,910
I'm joking,
I'm joking with you.

1225
00:58:34,945 --> 00:58:36,645
I'll get it.
I'll get it eventually.

1226
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:37,879
- Yeah. Hi.
- Hi.

1227
00:58:37,914 --> 00:58:41,049
You look... wow.
Really wow.

1228
00:58:41,084 --> 00:58:42,250
Thanks.

1229
00:58:42,285 --> 00:58:46,054
You always look wow, but this
is a very special kind of wow.

1230
00:58:46,089 --> 00:58:48,623
- Thank you.
- And this is amazing!

1231
00:58:48,658 --> 00:58:50,292
You did it!
You really did it.

1232
00:58:50,327 --> 00:58:52,861
And I got you
a little something to celebrate.

1233
00:58:52,896 --> 00:58:54,863
Ooh! Okay.

1234
00:58:58,668 --> 00:59:01,970
Looks like I'm gonna have to go
on the two finger diet
for this one, huh?

1235
00:59:02,606 --> 00:59:04,906
No! It's a cat sweater.

1236
00:59:04,941 --> 00:59:09,077
Yeah, you wouldn't fit,
I mean, you could fit probably.

1237
00:59:09,112 --> 00:59:11,680
You could try if you really,
you know, you're...

1238
00:59:11,715 --> 00:59:13,114
You're not fat.

1239
00:59:13,149 --> 00:59:14,916
- It's perfect.
- Oh, good.

1240
00:59:14,951 --> 00:59:16,051
Thank you.

1241
00:59:16,086 --> 00:59:17,185
- Hi.
- Hi.

1242
00:59:17,220 --> 00:59:18,820
Hey.

1243
00:59:20,190 --> 00:59:23,292
- Show me your stuff.
- Okay.

1244
00:59:24,127 --> 00:59:25,961
- Wow.
- Yeah.

1245
00:59:25,996 --> 00:59:27,362
I know her.

1246
00:59:27,397 --> 00:59:28,496
[Laura]
I know. Daisy.

1247
00:59:28,532 --> 00:59:30,098
She's a totally different person
when she's not texting.

1248
00:59:30,133 --> 00:59:32,200
I didn't know
she had a face. Yeah.

1249
00:59:32,235 --> 00:59:33,234
She's beautiful.

1250
00:59:33,269 --> 00:59:36,104
O-M-G.
Laura!

1251
00:59:36,139 --> 00:59:37,939
I'm digging the turn out.

1252
00:59:37,974 --> 00:59:40,308
Thank you so much
for everything, Em.

1253
00:59:40,343 --> 00:59:41,810
Dude, you're like my sister.

1254
00:59:41,845 --> 00:59:44,379
- So, any interest?
- You know, I don't know.

1255
00:59:44,414 --> 00:59:46,214
We'll see.
I think maybe a few bites.

1256
00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:47,649
- Yay!
- So... Yeah.

1257
00:59:47,684 --> 00:59:48,717
Yay!
[chuckles]

1258
00:59:48,752 --> 00:59:51,219
I'm sorry. This is Justin.
Justin, this is Emily.

1259
00:59:51,254 --> 00:59:54,255
It's so nice to finally
meet you in person.

1260
00:59:54,290 --> 00:59:57,058
- Same. Same.
- I've heard so much about you.

1261
00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:58,159
- You have?
- Oh...

1262
00:59:58,194 --> 00:59:59,894
Not so much.

1263
00:59:59,929 --> 01:00:02,797
- Like, psycho stalker much.
- There's truth behind her eyes.

1264
01:00:02,832 --> 01:00:04,332
You seem like
you're hiding something.

1265
01:00:04,367 --> 01:00:06,301
Well, on that lovely note.

1266
01:00:06,336 --> 01:00:07,302
Thank you for that.

1267
01:00:07,337 --> 01:00:09,671
- Do you want to get a drink?
- Yeah. Great.

1268
01:00:09,706 --> 01:00:10,605
Yeah. Okay.

1269
01:00:10,641 --> 01:00:11,940
I actually, I wanna
look at your stuff.

1270
01:00:11,975 --> 01:00:12,874
So can I meet you over there?

1271
01:00:12,909 --> 01:00:13,942
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.

1272
01:00:13,977 --> 01:00:16,044
Nice to meet you. Bye.

1273
01:00:16,079 --> 01:00:17,646
[growls]
Hey, sexy!

1274
01:00:17,681 --> 01:00:18,980
Whoa. Whoa.
Hey, Mercedes.

1275
01:00:19,015 --> 01:00:21,716
Hey.
Just drinking my boredom away.

1276
01:00:21,751 --> 01:00:22,684
Ready for round two?

1277
01:00:22,719 --> 01:00:24,152
Hey, yeah, there's not
going to be a round two.

1278
01:00:24,187 --> 01:00:25,854
Okay, there shouldn't
have been a round one.

1279
01:00:25,889 --> 01:00:27,088
- My husband's here.
- You're married?!

1280
01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:30,091
Oh, he doesn't know about us.
It's just our little secret.

1281
01:00:30,126 --> 01:00:30,958
No. Okay. Well, no.

1282
01:00:30,994 --> 01:00:32,861
It's not a secret
cause there is no us.

1283
01:00:32,896 --> 01:00:33,895
There isn't us.

1284
01:00:33,931 --> 01:00:35,797
In fact, that's...
I need you to listen, okay?

1285
01:00:35,832 --> 01:00:37,766
The other night was a mistake.
Alright?

1286
01:00:37,801 --> 01:00:39,901
I actually didn't want
to go on the date.

1287
01:00:39,936 --> 01:00:41,035
That's nothing against you.

1288
01:00:41,071 --> 01:00:43,972
Honestly, you're so lovely,
but things got carried away

1289
01:00:44,007 --> 01:00:46,074
and I'm so sorry that I knocked
you out in my bathroom.

1290
01:00:46,109 --> 01:00:49,144
I feel bad about it, I just
I'm not into this, okay?

1291
01:00:49,179 --> 01:00:51,013
I'm really sorry
if I let you down.

1292
01:00:52,082 --> 01:00:54,149
No. No, see...
I don't want--

1293
01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:57,152
Hey, Laura!
Hi, this is... Laura, wait.

1294
01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:59,020
Laura.
Laura, Laura, Laura. Please.

1295
01:00:59,055 --> 01:00:59,754
No! No! No!

1296
01:00:59,789 --> 01:01:00,989
- Stop it.
- Let me explain.

1297
01:01:01,024 --> 01:01:03,925
Explain?! You were making out
with Earl's wife at my showing?

1298
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:05,193
Earl's wife?!
I didn't know...

1299
01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:06,628
- Please, please, please.
- Don't touch me.

1300
01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,730
- Don't touch me.
- I won't touch you.
You have to let me explain.

1301
01:01:08,765 --> 01:01:09,864
I'm sorry,
I don't want to leave.

1302
01:01:09,899 --> 01:01:11,933
Leave. Please leave.
Leave! Leave!

1303
01:01:18,374 --> 01:01:21,109
[Sammy] Busted!
Pulling a French exit?

1304
01:01:21,144 --> 01:01:22,444
Shame on you.

1305
01:01:24,180 --> 01:01:26,081
I never should have fucking
listened to you!

1306
01:01:26,116 --> 01:01:29,151
This is all your fucking fault!
Do you understand?

1307
01:01:30,153 --> 01:01:32,220
You dumb fuck.

1308
01:01:34,157 --> 01:01:37,125
Why don't you come back here
and say that to my face?

1309
01:01:53,510 --> 01:01:54,342
[woman]
<i>Hi! It's Sarah.</i>

1310
01:01:54,378 --> 01:01:56,144
<i>I'm so sorry
I missed your call,</i>

1311
01:01:56,179 --> 01:01:58,012
<i>but leave a message
and I'll get back to you</i>

1312
01:01:58,047 --> 01:01:59,347
<i>as soon as I can.</i>

1313
01:02:00,216 --> 01:02:02,217
Hey, Sarah. It's Justin.

1314
01:02:03,286 --> 01:02:10,192
Um, I'm just calling to
apologize, because I, ah...

1315
01:02:11,361 --> 01:02:14,496
I'm just realizing
that I was not a very good
boyfriend to you,

1316
01:02:14,531 --> 01:02:16,197
at the end there.

1317
01:02:16,232 --> 01:02:20,068
And you didn't deserve
to be treated like that.

1318
01:02:21,271 --> 01:02:23,238
So, I'm sorry.

1319
01:02:25,375 --> 01:02:29,277
But I still think it's shitty
that you cheated on me,
so...

1320
01:02:29,312 --> 01:02:32,047
Bye. Say hi to your family.

1321
01:02:37,020 --> 01:02:38,887
[whistles]

1322
01:03:00,977 --> 01:03:02,844
[intercom buzzes]

1323
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:09,151
[Earl]<i> Justin, may I</i>
<i>see you in my office, please?</i>

1324
01:03:11,087 --> 01:03:12,487
<i>Chop, chop.</i>

1325
01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:17,092
Mm-mm-mm.

1326
01:03:17,861 --> 01:03:19,294
Sit.

1327
01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:26,568
Um... Were you wearing
those clothes yesterday?

1328
01:03:26,603 --> 01:03:27,435
Yes.

1329
01:03:27,471 --> 01:03:29,337
- Listen, Earl--
- You got the promotion.

1330
01:03:29,372 --> 01:03:30,705
I got the what?

1331
01:03:30,740 --> 01:03:35,076
You have been selected to be
the new assistant manager
of Cal-Telcom.

1332
01:03:35,111 --> 01:03:37,345
Really?

1333
01:03:37,380 --> 01:03:41,983
But, um, I think now
that you're management.

1334
01:03:42,018 --> 01:03:43,518
You're going to need to
take care of that--

1335
01:03:43,553 --> 01:03:45,286
- Right. Sure.
- Stubble.

1336
01:03:45,321 --> 01:03:48,156
I... I do have a razor
in here somewhere.

1337
01:03:48,191 --> 01:03:53,928
Oh, and I think I am going to
take Sammy up on his
office party suggestion.

1338
01:03:53,963 --> 01:03:59,467
Maybe we could just celebrate
you as the new assistant manager
also at that time?

1339
01:04:07,477 --> 01:04:11,279
Earl. I don't agree with the
inter-office dating policy.

1340
01:04:12,215 --> 01:04:13,214
Oh.

1341
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:15,083
I actually don't agree with
a lot of the policies.

1342
01:04:15,118 --> 01:04:17,919
And you never ever
listen to my suggestions.

1343
01:04:17,954 --> 01:04:21,656
Did you know, did you know,
that our elevator hasn't passed
inspection since June?

1344
01:04:21,691 --> 01:04:25,260
Of 1978. Okay.
That's not the point.

1345
01:04:25,295 --> 01:04:28,496
The point is
I don't like working here.

1346
01:04:28,531 --> 01:04:32,333
At all. So I regretfully
will turn down the position.

1347
01:04:32,368 --> 01:04:33,501
Not even regretfully.

1348
01:04:33,536 --> 01:04:36,671
I'm turning the position down
and this is my resignation.

1349
01:04:36,706 --> 01:04:38,473
You should give the assistant
manager job to Sammy.

1350
01:04:38,508 --> 01:04:41,376
He wants it and you would be
lucky to have him.

1351
01:04:44,347 --> 01:04:46,147
Um. Can you just hold
for one minute

1352
01:04:46,182 --> 01:04:48,950
while I check with
one of our advisors?

1353
01:04:51,187 --> 01:04:52,287
Laura.

1354
01:04:53,723 --> 01:04:56,658
Just forget about it.

1355
01:04:56,693 --> 01:04:58,660
I can't.
I can't forget about it.

1356
01:04:58,695 --> 01:04:59,694
I feel awful.

1357
01:04:59,729 --> 01:05:03,965
Um, what's up with the box?

1358
01:05:04,500 --> 01:05:07,669
Oh, um, I quit.

1359
01:05:07,704 --> 01:05:11,272
- You quit?
- Mm-hm.

1360
01:05:11,307 --> 01:05:14,342
What about the manager,
the assistant manager job?

1361
01:05:15,178 --> 01:05:18,413
Yeah, uh, I was stuck.

1362
01:05:19,716 --> 01:05:22,150
I... I'm so sorry.

1363
01:05:22,185 --> 01:05:24,052
I really am. I'm sorry.

1364
01:05:24,087 --> 01:05:26,254
Wasn't even the worst
part of the night?

1365
01:05:26,289 --> 01:05:28,423
- No one bought anything.
- What?

1366
01:05:28,458 --> 01:05:30,591
- So, yeah...
- You're kidding?

1367
01:05:30,626 --> 01:05:32,460
Uh, nope.

1368
01:05:32,495 --> 01:05:35,296
I think Emily lost a lot of
money on the night

1369
01:05:35,331 --> 01:05:38,266
and I offered to pay her back,
but I don't think
she's gonna let me.

1370
01:05:38,301 --> 01:05:41,536
Laura, I'm... You know,
it was your first show.

1371
01:05:41,571 --> 01:05:44,305
Um, you know, I should really,
I have a call

1372
01:05:44,340 --> 01:05:45,406
and I should be
getting back to it.

1373
01:05:45,441 --> 01:05:47,642
Can I just,
before you do that...

1374
01:05:49,045 --> 01:05:51,312
After Sarah, before I met you,

1375
01:05:51,347 --> 01:05:55,183
I was depressed
and I got some bad advice.

1376
01:05:55,218 --> 01:05:57,518
So I started dating online

1377
01:05:57,553 --> 01:05:59,387
and it was just
supposed to be casual,

1378
01:05:59,422 --> 01:06:02,490
but I didn't know that
casual meant blatant sex,

1379
01:06:02,525 --> 01:06:07,295
which I... I was lonely
so I went on a few dates.

1380
01:06:07,330 --> 01:06:08,496
And one of those dates
was Earl's wife,

1381
01:06:08,531 --> 01:06:10,198
but I did not know
it was Earl's wife.

1382
01:06:10,233 --> 01:06:11,332
I swear.

1383
01:06:11,367 --> 01:06:12,667
Not until I saw her
at your show.

1384
01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:15,603
And we didn't have sex.
That's true. We did not.

1385
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:19,407
There was other...
there was sucking...
that is not important.

1386
01:06:19,442 --> 01:06:21,743
I was trying to tell her
that I love you.

1387
01:06:21,778 --> 01:06:24,212
I love you, Laura.

1388
01:06:25,782 --> 01:06:26,715
Hey.

1389
01:06:26,750 --> 01:06:30,218
Earl, I really
have to talk to you... Um...

1390
01:06:36,192 --> 01:06:39,094
You know what?
I'm sorry I roughed you up
the other night.

1391
01:06:39,662 --> 01:06:41,262
[chuckles]

1392
01:06:41,297 --> 01:06:42,730
Uh, it's fine.

1393
01:06:42,765 --> 01:06:46,301
You're not that strong
and I work out.

1394
01:06:47,570 --> 01:06:52,640
I'm sorry that I fucked things
up for you and Laura.

1395
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:55,510
- No--
- I did. I did.

1396
01:06:55,545 --> 01:06:59,380
No. No, I fucked things up
for me and Laura.

1397
01:06:59,415 --> 01:07:00,681
You did.

1398
01:07:00,716 --> 01:07:02,583
I don't know that it
means anything now,

1399
01:07:02,618 --> 01:07:06,054
but I told Earl he should
give you the assistant manager
position.

1400
01:07:06,089 --> 01:07:07,022
- What?
- Yeah.

1401
01:07:07,057 --> 01:07:09,524
Why did you do that?
I don't want that job.

1402
01:07:09,559 --> 01:07:10,458
Because... Yes you do.

1403
01:07:10,493 --> 01:07:11,392
- I do not.
- Yes you do.

1404
01:07:11,427 --> 01:07:12,660
- I know you do.
- I do do--

1405
01:07:12,695 --> 01:07:14,462
Laura told me.

1406
01:07:16,332 --> 01:07:18,699
- She told you?
- Yeah, she did.

1407
01:07:18,734 --> 01:07:21,702
[sighs deeply]

1408
01:07:21,737 --> 01:07:23,504
It wasn't like I was trying
to go behind your back.

1409
01:07:23,539 --> 01:07:25,106
- You know that, right?
- No, no. Yeah.

1410
01:07:25,141 --> 01:07:29,377
God, no. No, no, no.
I, uh, I think it's a good idea.

1411
01:07:29,412 --> 01:07:34,682
I think if you just
apply yourself, I think
you'll be great, man.

1412
01:07:36,452 --> 01:07:39,787
You know, you're a lot like
your mom, cause she said
the exact same thing.

1413
01:07:39,822 --> 01:07:42,256
Yeah, why do you call my mom?

1414
01:07:42,291 --> 01:07:44,459
Well, she's a lot better
than my mom.

1415
01:08:00,276 --> 01:08:01,576
Hi, mom.

1416
01:08:01,611 --> 01:08:03,478
<i>[Mom] Hi, honey.</i>

1417
01:08:05,581 --> 01:08:07,582
<i>How are ya?</i>

1418
01:08:07,617 --> 01:08:11,252
- I'm not happy.
<i>- I know. I'm sorry.</i>

1419
01:08:11,287 --> 01:08:15,456
<i>Look, I can come over if you
don't want to be alone?</i>

1420
01:08:15,491 --> 01:08:17,425
Thank you, Mom.
I appreciate that.

1421
01:08:17,460 --> 01:08:20,228
<i>Justin, you just have to go out
there and fight your corner.</i>

1422
01:08:20,263 --> 01:08:22,697
<i>You know, figure out what you
want and fight for it.</i>

1423
01:08:22,732 --> 01:08:25,733
<i>You have always been good
at problem solving,</i>

1424
01:08:25,768 --> 01:08:28,870
<i>so I want you
to solve your own.</i>

1425
01:08:28,905 --> 01:08:31,606
<i>I know you can do this, Justin.</i>

1426
01:08:31,641 --> 01:08:33,841
Thank you, Mom.
I love you.

1427
01:08:33,876 --> 01:08:35,710
<i>I love you more.</i>

1428
01:08:35,745 --> 01:08:37,512
Bye.

1429
01:08:48,891 --> 01:08:51,126
[music plays]

1430
01:08:51,627 --> 01:08:53,228
[music gets louder]

1431
01:09:30,666 --> 01:09:32,534
[indistinct chatter]

1432
01:09:35,671 --> 01:09:38,806
- It's... It's good.
- Yep.

1433
01:09:41,677 --> 01:09:42,911
Chantal.

1434
01:09:50,820 --> 01:09:54,655
Boy, that Justin's a hell
of a... hell of a good dude.

1435
01:09:54,690 --> 01:09:56,924
- Mm-hm.
- And he likes you.

1436
01:09:56,959 --> 01:10:00,495
Likes you more than anyone.
More than me.

1437
01:10:01,364 --> 01:10:02,530
So?

1438
01:10:03,699 --> 01:10:05,700
Won't you give him
a second chance?

1439
01:10:05,735 --> 01:10:06,968
[clears throat]

1440
01:10:07,003 --> 01:10:12,273
Earl's, like, really given you
the reigns on the party, huh?

1441
01:10:12,308 --> 01:10:13,908
As he should.
[chuckles]

1442
01:10:13,943 --> 01:10:15,543
I'm the assistant manager here.

1443
01:10:15,578 --> 01:10:18,713
You know I don't think Earl
has ever ever even attempted
to throw a party like this.

1444
01:10:18,748 --> 01:10:21,949
I doubt Earl has ever even been
to a party like this one.

1445
01:10:21,984 --> 01:10:23,517
I'm sure Earl's been to a party.

1446
01:10:23,552 --> 01:10:25,853
Not like this,
not a party like this.

1447
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:30,458
- Sorry--
- Laura, hey... I need to
show you something.

1448
01:10:33,696 --> 01:10:34,562
Why did you come here?

1449
01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:36,731
Sammy, you said
Earl wouldn't be here!

1450
01:10:36,766 --> 01:10:39,400
I said he shouldn't be here,
because you'd be here,

1451
01:10:39,435 --> 01:10:40,568
but of course he'd be here.

1452
01:10:40,603 --> 01:10:43,271
[grunting] Please, Earl.
I just need to talk to Laura.

1453
01:10:43,306 --> 01:10:44,772
- Fuck you.
- I'm so sorry about Mercedes!

1454
01:10:44,807 --> 01:10:46,841
- I swear I had no idea!
- I don't want one more word!

1455
01:10:46,876 --> 01:10:47,675
You've ruined my marriage!

1456
01:10:47,710 --> 01:10:49,677
- You've ruin-
- Earl, let him go!

1457
01:10:49,712 --> 01:10:51,779
You cheated on me with him!

1458
01:10:51,814 --> 01:10:53,481
[grunting]

1459
01:10:55,785 --> 01:10:56,684
Oh!

1460
01:10:58,821 --> 01:11:00,454
[yells]

1461
01:11:00,489 --> 01:11:01,555
Sammy!

1462
01:11:01,590 --> 01:11:03,724
[muffled] Laura, I love you.

1463
01:11:03,759 --> 01:11:06,494
I love you.
I am a one-woman man. I swear.

1464
01:11:06,529 --> 01:11:10,765
I was with the wrong one woman,
but you're the right one woman.

1465
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:13,668
I will prove it to you!
I will fight for you!

1466
01:11:13,703 --> 01:11:14,635
[grunts]

1467
01:11:14,670 --> 01:11:16,037
I will prove it you right now!

1468
01:11:16,072 --> 01:11:17,805
Earl, please! Stop!

1469
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:18,973
[muffled] Maybe you should
listen to her.

1470
01:11:19,008 --> 01:11:21,976
Maybe you should be held
accountable for not listening

1471
01:11:22,011 --> 01:11:25,813
to her needs and
that's what ultimately drove her
to look elsewhere.

1472
01:11:25,848 --> 01:11:28,783
Earl, he's right.
We need to talk.

1473
01:11:28,818 --> 01:11:31,952
I really need
a red room of pain.

1474
01:11:31,987 --> 01:11:33,621
[groans]

1475
01:11:33,656 --> 01:11:35,690
I am so sorry.

1476
01:11:39,595 --> 01:11:42,663
Laura, please,
just come with me.

1477
01:11:42,698 --> 01:11:44,665
Justin, I told you,
forget about it.

1478
01:11:44,700 --> 01:11:48,636
And I said I wouldn't,
because I want you.

1479
01:11:48,671 --> 01:11:51,005
And if you just come with me,
I'll show you--

1480
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:53,675
Just... go.

1481
01:11:55,711 --> 01:11:58,412
Just... get the hell out.

1482
01:11:58,447 --> 01:11:59,714
Go!

1483
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:12,660
Hey, Laura.

1484
01:12:12,695 --> 01:12:15,096
Hey. It's me, Sammy.

1485
01:12:15,131 --> 01:12:16,831
Are you okay?

1486
01:12:17,533 --> 01:12:19,467
Um, I'm fine.

1487
01:12:20,069 --> 01:12:22,803
That was pretty crazy, huh?

1488
01:12:22,838 --> 01:12:26,674
Hey, listen. I kind of need you
do to me the biggest favor ever.

1489
01:12:27,109 --> 01:12:28,743
Sure.

1490
01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:33,748
Would you be so kind as
to go and grab the keg?

1491
01:12:33,783 --> 01:12:36,784
- Earl okayed a keg?
- He sure did.

1492
01:12:36,819 --> 01:12:38,753
He's feeling
really vulnerable right now,

1493
01:12:38,788 --> 01:12:40,154
so I got my hooks in him.

1494
01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:42,790
I'll text you the address.

1495
01:12:42,825 --> 01:12:45,993
You know,
Justin's right about you,

1496
01:12:46,028 --> 01:12:50,865
you really are...
a special lady.

1497
01:12:53,836 --> 01:12:56,137
[music plays]

1498
01:13:01,811 --> 01:13:04,845
[Louis on radio]
<i>Love, which pardons</i>
<i>no beloved from loving,</i>

1499
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:09,750
<i>took me so strongly with
delight in him that as you see,</i>

1500
01:13:09,785 --> 01:13:12,853
<i>it still abandons me not.</i>

1501
01:13:12,888 --> 01:13:16,524
- It's Dante.
- Yes, it is.

1502
01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:20,861
<i>Suddenly, Justin pulled Laura
to him cupping her breast...</i>

1503
01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:25,400
That's not, sorry, he, uh,
went of text pretty quick.

1504
01:13:27,670 --> 01:13:30,604
I wasn't bullshitting
when I said you make
the world prettier.

1505
01:13:30,639 --> 01:13:33,574
You do, I think
you're so talented, Laura.

1506
01:13:33,609 --> 01:13:35,042
And I think others
will see that, too.

1507
01:13:35,077 --> 01:13:37,645
So I put a bunch of these up
all over town,

1508
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:39,914
because your photos
are exciting, Laura.

1509
01:13:39,949 --> 01:13:43,751
You are exciting
and you excite me.

1510
01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:47,888
It's so... this is so sweet.

1511
01:13:47,923 --> 01:13:50,624
And know that I would never
forget an anniversary,

1512
01:13:50,659 --> 01:13:53,861
or birthday,
or to put the toilet seat down.

1513
01:13:53,896 --> 01:13:58,099
Nada. Because I'll be too
excited to be by your side.

1514
01:14:00,035 --> 01:14:02,770
That's the cheesiest thing
you've ever said.

1515
01:14:02,805 --> 01:14:04,538
It's really cheesy, isn't it?

1516
01:14:04,573 --> 01:14:07,942
I had a gut instinct about it,
but I've been practicing it, so.

1517
01:14:08,911 --> 01:14:10,111
Cheesy is good.

1518
01:14:12,882 --> 01:14:14,649
You inspire me.

1519
01:14:15,050 --> 01:14:17,017
I'm your Beatrice.

1520
01:14:17,052 --> 01:14:19,053
No, you're my Laura,

1521
01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:22,824
and I'm not going to make
the same mistake Dante did.

1522
01:14:57,159 --> 01:15:00,227
"Kind words can be short
and easy to speak,

1523
01:15:00,262 --> 01:15:03,998
but their echoes are
truly endless."

1524
01:15:05,067 --> 01:15:06,967
What the fuck
does that mean?

1525
01:15:07,002 --> 01:15:11,038
"Get close to your customers.
So close that you tell them what

1526
01:15:11,073 --> 01:15:14,609
they need well before they
realize it themselves."

1527
01:15:16,812 --> 01:15:19,013
Fuck that.

1528
01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:23,951
"The best way to find yourself,
is to lose yourself
in the service of others."

1529
01:15:25,988 --> 01:15:30,157
That's like some
fucking rehab shit.

1530
01:15:57,386 --> 01:16:00,087
You know, internet dating
isn't for everyone.

1531
01:16:00,122 --> 01:16:03,290
It was not for me
or for us really.

1532
01:16:03,325 --> 01:16:05,292
But it works for
a lot of people. Right?

1533
01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:06,627
Mm-hm. Yeah, it does.

1534
01:16:06,662 --> 01:16:09,930
I think there
is some value to it.

1535
01:16:09,965 --> 01:16:12,967
I learned important lessons
doing it

1536
01:16:13,002 --> 01:16:16,637
and I guess, in a way,
it brought me to you.

1537
01:16:17,272 --> 01:16:18,973
Really? Hmm.

1538
01:16:19,008 --> 01:16:22,776
My name is Jim and
I am looking for a rich woman,

1539
01:16:22,811 --> 01:16:25,179
who could take care of me.

1540
01:16:25,214 --> 01:16:28,282
But she doesn't have to be rich,
if she's Asian.

1541
01:16:28,317 --> 01:16:31,251
I really...
my mother died in childbirth,

1542
01:16:31,286 --> 01:16:34,355
so I would love to meet a man

1543
01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:36,256
who has a really strong
relationship with his mother,

1544
01:16:36,291 --> 01:16:38,158
because I'd love a mom.

1545
01:16:38,193 --> 01:16:40,094
I like to stay in shape.

1546
01:16:40,129 --> 01:16:41,795
I like to make a little cash.

1547
01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:42,829
I like to wheel and deal

1548
01:16:42,865 --> 01:16:46,033
and dammit I think I got
a lot going on over here.

1549
01:16:46,068 --> 01:16:48,268
I don't know
why I'm still single.

1550
01:16:48,303 --> 01:16:54,341
My name is Yovanka and I am
single and I am available.

1551
01:16:54,376 --> 01:16:59,713
Okay? I am a Scorpio
and I like to fuck.

1552
01:16:59,748 --> 01:17:04,118
I wonder sometimes am I talking
to a woman right now?

1553
01:17:04,153 --> 01:17:08,922
Or am I talking to
some guy in Russia?

1554
01:17:08,957 --> 01:17:13,060
I think it's been a while
since I've done this, and I...

1555
01:17:13,095 --> 01:17:14,662
Oh.

1556
01:17:15,330 --> 01:17:18,065
Uh...
[clears throat]

1557
01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:20,401
I'm dating online because
everybody I meet is a douchebag.

1558
01:17:20,436 --> 01:17:23,904
Like, um, fat women

1559
01:17:23,939 --> 01:17:27,908
or women
with mental disabilities.

1560
01:17:27,943 --> 01:17:31,111
I'm looking for guys that are
really fun, super cool.

1561
01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:34,048
Um, great body.
[chuckles]

1562
01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:35,849
Hinana!

1563
01:17:35,884 --> 01:17:42,222
We are looking for a...
feline friendly guy.

1564
01:17:42,257 --> 01:17:43,523
[chuckles]

1565
01:17:43,559 --> 01:17:47,761
And preferably someone
who likes to sing,
because we love to sing!

1566
01:17:47,796 --> 01:17:49,063
Don't we, Pickles?

1567
01:17:49,098 --> 01:17:51,732
So, here's what we sing.
Let's sing our song.

1568
01:17:51,767 --> 01:17:56,236
<i>♪ We love the mouse
who lives in the kitchen ♪</i>

1569
01:17:56,271 --> 01:17:59,339
I feel like it's hard
to function in life,

1570
01:17:59,374 --> 01:18:03,877
because every time I just
go to the store, or I'm driving.

1571
01:18:03,912 --> 01:18:06,880
I'm like: is that person next
to me going to break my heart?

1572
01:18:06,915 --> 01:18:10,184
This person cashing me out
at the grocery store,

1573
01:18:10,219 --> 01:18:12,352
are they gonna
break my heart again?

1574
01:18:12,387 --> 01:18:16,090
So I'm looking to meet someone

1575
01:18:16,125 --> 01:18:17,891
who is not going
to do that to me.

1576
01:18:17,926 --> 01:18:21,995
I believe that many times
you come into loves and so,

1577
01:18:22,030 --> 01:18:25,099
even though I don't know
where he is, okay?

1578
01:18:25,134 --> 01:18:27,067
I still can love him from afar.

1579
01:18:27,102 --> 01:18:29,436
It's like, you love apples
and you love bananas, okay?

1580
01:18:29,471 --> 01:18:30,838
I can love them both.

1581
01:18:30,873 --> 01:18:32,239
I will find love again,

1582
01:18:32,274 --> 01:18:34,174
especially if guys
have big bananas.

1583
01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:36,210
I do believe in soul mates.

1584
01:18:36,245 --> 01:18:38,846
I think that's, um, again,
that's probably why

1585
01:18:38,881 --> 01:18:42,015
I haven't found exactly
what I'm looking for yet.

1586
01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:44,084
Uh, cause I feel like
when it happens,
it's gonna be like...

1587
01:18:44,119 --> 01:18:45,252
[makes exploding sound]

1588
01:18:45,287 --> 01:18:50,090
And in a woman?
A... girl?

1589
01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:52,126
A woman? A woman...

1590
01:18:52,161 --> 01:18:57,998
I... I have to say,
she'll have to be very young.

1591
01:18:58,033 --> 01:18:59,833
Um...

1592
01:18:59,868 --> 01:19:04,238
Find this wonderful girl,
her name's Trish,

1593
01:19:04,273 --> 01:19:06,140
or something
beautiful like that,

1594
01:19:06,175 --> 01:19:11,178
and, and she's, you know,
black hair, raven.

1595
01:19:11,213 --> 01:19:14,214
And then you get there and she
doesn't have any teeth

1596
01:19:14,249 --> 01:19:16,517
or no arms and she's really fat.

1597
01:19:16,552 --> 01:19:18,952
I don't like ethnic guys.

1598
01:19:18,987 --> 01:19:21,321
Not to be racist or anything,

1599
01:19:21,356 --> 01:19:27,060
but psychologically they say
we like people
that look like ourselves.

1600
01:19:27,095 --> 01:19:30,197
So, technically,
I'm not racist. [chuckles]

1601
01:19:30,232 --> 01:19:32,299
I just like people
that look like me.

1602
01:19:32,334 --> 01:19:36,270
Um, so,
I'm still a nice person.
[chuckles]

1603
01:19:36,305 --> 01:19:41,341
Yeah, I have been cheated on
and guess who, knock knock,
who's there?

1604
01:19:41,376 --> 01:19:44,845
I've cheated on people.
So eat a dick on that one.

1605
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:46,280
Cause it goes both ways.

1606
01:19:46,315 --> 01:19:52,085
[as dummy] What is your
favorite sexual position?

1607
01:19:52,120 --> 01:19:55,389
[as himself]
That's awful forward, Woody.

1608
01:19:55,424 --> 01:19:58,358
Yeah, I liked to get spanked.
Hard.

1609
01:19:58,393 --> 01:20:00,427
There's some things
I do not do, okay!

1610
01:20:00,462 --> 01:20:03,197
[speaking foreign language]

1611
01:20:03,232 --> 01:20:05,099
I do not fuck in the butt!

1612
01:20:15,611 --> 01:20:20,180
I, personally, feel like we
would have gotten here sooner

1613
01:20:20,215 --> 01:20:23,283
had it not been for the whole
online dating thing probably.

1614
01:20:23,318 --> 01:20:24,585
- Probably.
- Yeah.

1615
01:20:24,620 --> 01:20:26,086
You're right.
That's a good point.

1616
01:20:26,121 --> 01:20:28,088
- But...
- Derailed a little bit.

1617
01:20:28,123 --> 01:20:31,091
- We're together now...
- Yes.

1618
01:20:31,126 --> 01:20:33,160
- ...and we're happy.
- We are.

1619
01:20:35,030 --> 01:20:36,463
Okay. That's enough.

1620
01:20:36,498 --> 01:20:38,298
Ow... Be happy.

1621
01:20:38,333 --> 01:20:40,467
- Let me make you happy.
- I'm so happy!

1622
01:20:40,502 --> 01:20:42,469
- Let me make you happy.
- I'm so happy!

1623
01:20:42,504 --> 01:20:44,071
[muffled talking]

1624
01:20:44,106 --> 01:20:46,173
Tell the people
how happy you are!